A Late Mothers Day
Precious are the moments we hold dear. All life is a fragile span that can be broken or changed at anytime. There are only two certain things of life that remains true for everyone. That is birth and death..
Most would love mothers day, but for me it now remained a grim reminder of all that I had lost. The pain and sorrow's echoing in my heart as my mother was laid down to the ground right before my eyes. What a joy full event to commit your mother to the ground on this very day that was suppose to celebrate the joy and life of my mother.
I remember my aunts and uncles all walking by me as they gave me the sorrow look. Sure they wanted to put on a happy face to make all the pain go away, but anyone who ever understood or has lost a loved one would know the truth behind those smiles. They simply are grim reminders that life is out of our control.
I also remember the smell of the flowers all laying next to the grave, as her coffin was slowly lowered into the obsesses of dispare. Placed inside the coffin was the blanket that my mother used to rap me up in as a baby. Now it lays raped with her as a remember and piece of me that would be with her always. Next to the blanket was a picture of my father, mom, and I. It was her favorite picture that reminded her of the good old days before my fathers death.
It seems so pointless and useless to place items such as these into a lifeless body that will never see them, but what magic is still left in the memories is what remains in the hearts of all. This magic is what holds us together knowing that their might be hope in the worst case scenario. However these small tokens aren't really for the dead. It is more for the living so that we might find comfort after it all is over. Whatever the case we still per take in these events even today.
After she reached the bottom of the pit they slowly walked us off and out of the field. That is when the real tears and pain starts to hit as the truth is forced out. The look was a long endless road to a empty house that held a life time of memories. Those memories are all we have as humans. I remember yelling at my mom for not throwing anything out, but her response was.”These items my be junk right now, but you never know when one will need to reflect on the past to change the future.” philosophy was one of my mothers favorite subjects. She always glowed when she was able to teach a new lesson about life to me. It was remembering these events that I found myself searching through all my mom's old things. Just looking for that one special reminder of her that would make me forget my sorrows. He clothes still felt fresh. I ran my hands to and through all of them just to capture her smell and touch that used to be embedded onto them.
It was on one such item that I found a note that was wrote back when my mom and dad were dating. She wrote,” I know that we haven't be dating long or that we do not have riches. Life little pleasures may be broken at any moment, but the love I feel between us feels so right. The timing of your kisses on my lips make me forget everything. Time itself seems to hold still in that one everlasting moment of passion. It's out of these moments that I hope we have lots of kids. At least one of each that way we can share the joys of parent hood together in everlasting bless.” It was this not that brought a tear down my cheeks. For you see, my parents only had one kid. During birth my mom had to have a C section operation that damaged her ability to have anymore kids. I know I brought some joy, but the letter made me think of all that my mom had missed. She never would be able to pass down her wedding dresses to a daughter on that magical day, or share in the joys of that first bra . She wouldn't be there to tell the pain of pms and how to use a tampon to her. Everything and anything related to womanhood she was not able to share. I'm sure there is a lot of other joys that I'm leaving out, but remember I'm only male. How would I know everything about females. Even I would have liked to had a little brother or sister to torture as child. The feeling of holding all the power as that innocent little creature believes every-word said. Plus it might have helped to have someone to blame some of the trouble that I got into on.
I felt a little closer to my mother, but deep in my heart I knew I could have never brought those joys. With all my heart I wished that somehow or some way I would have never been the cause of my mothers lost. I wished that at least once she would have been able to have that chance to raise a daughter. I cried a little more and then slowly fell asleep in that very spot next to my mothers things.
The next morning when I woke up things were different. I was inclosed or surrounded all around by a thickness that I couldn't explain. The lost of movement made me think I was stuck somewhere in a straight jacket. It was then that I felt the slap and heard the cries, but as I opened my eyes to see where they were coming from As I did a shock of alarm hit me. The cries weren't from a outside source, but from my very own voice. A voice of a infant screaming out into the land of new. This was even proved by my vision. Void of all colors, all that remained was black and white shadows. It was then that I was wrapped up and placed into huge arms. Some how I knew these arms, They felt very familiar and warm to the touch. The sent on the arms also reminded me of a woman I knew very close.
I heard one of the voices around me ask,”If she had a name for her new baby girl.”
Her response,”Yes, I do believe we will call this little one Hope. For you see it is the hopes and dreams of tomorrow that change how we feel in life. Even in death we still hold onto those dreams and on special days those dreams can carry to the souls of the departed. “
The others around her didn't understand, but I knew clearly what she meant and was talking about. My mom's one true wish was finally coming true, but in a way that meant a end to the relationship we once had and a new beginning for us from this day on.