The Mad Scientists Club by Morpheus

submitted by admin - Jun 7, 2002

Dr. Ralph Hopkins is sick and tired of somebody else always winner the price each week at The Mad Scientists Club. He plots his revenge with his preincarnator device.


The whole room broke into a round of clapping as Dr. Vladimir Stein unveiled his newest creation, a bull headed gorilla. All except Dr. Ralph Hopkins, who glared up at Dr. Stein with hatred and envy, sure that he should be up their receiving their applause. His chicken with 6 legs was much better than that stupid gorilla, but still, Dr. Stein had won another round.

Glaring up at Dr. Stein, Dr. Hopkins thought it wasn't fair. He should have won last week with his invention, the one that forced people to tell the truth, and would have caused untold havoc when he used it on the worlds politicians, but instead, Dr. Johan Frank had won with his boob gun, which made any woman's tits grow to humungous proportions.

Staring with hatred around the room, Dr. Hopkins looked at all two dozen members of the Mad Scientists Club. The worlds greatest mad scientists gathered here every week to show off their newest inventions, and vote to see who had the best for that week. There in the corner was Dr. Gezunteit, the mad German. Next to him stood Dr. White, who except for being a black man, held an uncanny resemblance to Einstein. There was Dr. Bergstrom, who had half his body replaced with cybernetics after his lab explosion, and Dr. Elizabeth Jeckyll, who was the only female member of their little group, and quite respected in her own right. Especially after that little debacle where she sent that giant robot bimbo storming through downtown San Francisco. And then there were all the others, gathered around in their own little clusters, each clapping for Dr. Stein.

With a grim determination, Dr. Hopkins said, "Never again. I shall have my revenge upon these fools" and he broke out in a mild case of mad laughter, "Bwa ha ha ha ha", making sure to keep it quite, since even he wouldn't be rude enough to interfere with another mad scientists gloating, even if it was his greatest opponent. Or at least his greatest opponent for this week.

As the group left, Dr. Hopkins kept going over ideas, trying to decide what would clinch his revenge among the group, restoring his status as the premier mad scientist in the club. He was lost in these thoughts all the way home.

As he returned home, Dr. Hopkins glared at his condo in disgust. Why couldn't he have a proper mad scientists hope. This was so disrespectful, and humiliating, to live in such a horribly clean and nice place. But unfortunately, real estate being what it is, all the haunted mansions and old castles were too far out of his budget, and oh so hard to come by.

Stepping inside, he shook his head in disgust. He'd told his lab assistant several times to make sure that the cobwebs were put out, and that a few human bones were scattered around the carpet, but instead it was horribly, disgustingly, neat and clean. "I get no respect" Dr. Hopkins muttered to himself, heading down to his lab, where he hoped he could at least start getting to work.

As he walked through the hall, he stopped, catching the image of himself in the mirror. he ran his hand through his full head of hair, and scowled, thankful that he at least looked like a proper mad scientist, with his hair gone prematurely white, (thanks to Acme's mad scientists hair dye), and he had his nice mustache. He was so proud of his mustache, and had been since he'd turned 5 and first grew it. It was just like his mom's.

Seeing his lab assistant in the corner, typing on a computer, Dr. Hopkins cringed, seeing that once again, he wouldn't dress properly. "Bob" he yelled at his assistant, "Get your ass over here" But stood up, tall and straight and came over. Dr. Hopkins had told him time and again, to assume a proper hunched over position, but Bob just wouldn't do it. "I can't even get a decent lab assistant" he muttered to himself.

He'd had Bob for almost a year, ever since he'd turned his last lab assistant into a puddle of goo. Bob was such a disappointment, to Dr. Hopkins thought. Bob always dressed so inappropriately, wearing nice suits. He was tall and handsome, instead of short, ugly and hunched over as was proper, and he was a graduate of MIT, and wouldn't give Dr. Hopkins the brown nosing that he was due. "Can't find decent help nowadays" Dr. Hopkins muttered to himself again, as he instructed Bob to get the lab ready.

Dr. Hopkins dug through his inventions, trying to decide which of them he should bring to next weeks club meeting. Holding a bottle of green liquid up, he smiled, remembering that this would turn into a gas, and give everyone for several miles severe diarrhea. He chuckled at that, wondering if he could set up pay booths outside the cities rest rooms. No, he decided, he'd need something better.

This Anti Matter bomb, he asked himself, then carelessly tossed it over his shoulder, picking up a little ray gun instead. "Ah" he said to himself, "My zombie gun" One of his inventions which had turned anyone he hit with it into mindless zombies. It had been a rather abysmal failure though, since when he shot all of Congress with it, there was absolutely no difference in their behavior.

"I guess I'll have to come up with something new" Dr. Hopkins said, beginning to get an idea, "Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha" he laughed out loud, ignoring the odd looks that Bob was giving him.

"Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha" Dr. Hopkins laughed out loud, proud of his laugh. He had been at the head of his gloating laugh class, back in mad scientists school.

Dr. Hopkins held his newest invention in his hands proudly, staring at it, the pinnacle of human technology, (even if it looked like a plastic toy ray gun) "My preincarnator" he yelled proudly, showing it to Bob, who seemed rather unimpressed, and muttered something about breaking the laws of physics and really needing this job, under his breath.

"With this" Dr. Hopkins gloated to himself, not noticing that Bob had quietly snuck out of the lab, "I shall rule the world. Or at least win the science fair" Rubbing the gun possessively he continued, "I can turn anyone into who they were in a previous incarnation, giving me the power to change the world" At this, Dr. Hopkins broke out into another fit of maniacal laughter, while upstairs, Bob was busy typing up his resume.

As Dr. Hopkins stepped into the meeting hall, he saw that many were still arriving, boxes, ray guns and other things in their hands. "What a nice coat Dr. Hopkins" he heard and turned around to see Dr. Edward Haskell. Dr. Hopkins smiled to himself, thinking that this was just the kind of attitude that a proper lab assistant would have. After a few minutes of listening Dr. Haskell go on about how nice his clothes were, Dr. Hopkins excused himself to go gloat to Dr. Stein about his newest invention, the Preincarnator.

He couldn't find Dr. Stein, but got caught up in a conversation with Dr. Shelly, who said that he was getting bored, and wanted a new career, so was going to try his hand at plumbing. Dr. Hopkins wished him luck, then waved over to Dr. Kavorkian who was walking past.

Finally, everyone arrived and sat in their seats, waiting as the dinner was served. Dr. Hopkins would barely contain his enthusiasm, as he impatiently waited for the showing of all the inventions. At last, that time came.

Impatiently, Dr. Hopkins waited for many of the others to demonstrate their inventions. "This one" Dr. Frank said, holding up another gun, "Will turn anyone into a lust crazed sex fiend" Half the people laughed, and he other half clapped. "And to prove that it worked" he continued, "I tested it on President Clinton a little while back" At this, almost everyone clapped.

Next, Dr. Mugobba, the witch doctor from Africa, demonstrated the latest in head shrinking technology, which received an enthusiastic round of applause, after he used it on Dr. Haskell to shut him up.

After several more people, Dr. Hopkins got up, glad that it was finally his turn. Proudly he walked to the front of the room, up the steps and onto the stage. Clearing his throat, he held up his Preincarnator for everyone to see, "This" he stated loudly, "Is my Preincarnator" At the looks of boredom on the audiences faces, Dr. Hopkins pointed it at Dr. Stein, who looked startled when Dr. Hopkins pulled the trigger.

With a smile, Dr. Hopkins watched as a beam of white light hit Dr. Stein. When the light had cleared, a teenage blonde girl, dressed like a hippie, with tie dyed shirt and everything sat there, smoking a joint. "Cool trip man" She said, looking up obviously stoned.

There were a few looks of appreciation at this, so Dr. Hopkins aimed it at the waiter, pulling the trigger again, this time at full power. Seconds later, a Neanderthal was standing there, picking flees off his hide. A little clapping started, and reveling in the attention, Dr. Hopkins shot again, this time at another waiter, watching him change into a woman, who was dressed like a flapper from the 20's.

Finally, Dr. Hopkins went back to his seat, gloating in all the applause directed at him. As he was sitting down, one final person went on stage, leaving Dr. Hopkins feeling rather annoyed since he was supposed to be the last show. He saw that it was Dr. Young, the 13 year old child prodigy, who had created a giant monster at the age of 5. He was a recent graduate of mad scientists school, and a new addition to the club.

Dr. Young stood on stage, looking a little nervous, holding a box, roughly the size of a shoe box. "Ttttthis" he said, stuttering, "is my latest device" He bent over, placing the box on the floor in front of him, and pushed a button.

Dr. Young smiled as the box hummed, and Dr. Hopkins held back a yawn, knowing that this child couldn't out do him. Seconds later, an image appeared in front of the box, then solidified, turning into a woman. She was blonde and had extremely large breasts, and was dressed in nothing but a skimpy bikini that looked as if it were about ready to burst apart. She looked like a teenagers wet dream.

Dr. Hopkins felt drool coming from his mouth and wiped it, noting many of the others doing the same thing. "This" Dr. Young said in a slightly cracking voice, "Is my dream actualizer. It lets you bring your dreams to life" and with this, he touched the box again, making another woman come out. Everyone started clapping and cheering loudly, except for Dr. Hopkins.

Dr. Hopkins felt rage burning inside of him. How dare this little snot upstage him. Jumping up, Dr. Hopkins fired his ray at Dr. Young, before he'd even realized he was doing it. Dr. Young was suddenly gone, to be replaced by what looked to be a whore. A woman, dressed up just like one of the whores in the wild west. "You wanna good time cowboy" she said grabbing the lab coat of the nearest mad scientist.

At this, chaos broke out, everyone running to get the box, to make their own dreams reality. Angered at still not getting the attention that he deserved, Dr. Hopkins kept blasting away, shooting everyone that he saw, sometimes two or three times. Everyone around him started turning into other people, and Dr. Hopkins burst out laughing, "Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha" as he fired another blast at Dr. Jekyll, turning her into a fat balding man.

Since everyone else was occupied, Dr. Hopkins picked up the trophy, and started to walk out the door, smiling at his success. He chuckled to himself, thinking how much fun he was going to have walking down the streets blasting everyone he saw. Suddenly, he saw a movement in the corner of his eye, and turned firing.

Staring in horror as the light overwhelmed him, Dr. Hopkins realized that it was only a mirror. Seconds later he was changed into Annie Gertrude, a 7 year old girl who had died decades before. Little Annie looked around confused, noticing that she held a toy gun in her hand. Giggling, she ran out the door, pointing at the nearest person she saw.

She found herself giggling maniacally at this, thinking it was so funny to see that man turn into an old woman. Running down the street, she kept shooting everyone she saw.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Dr. Hopkins laughed maniacally, wondering what next weeks meeting of the MSC was going to be like.

The End.