Dr. Lana Rudeger Show "On the Air"
Segment 2
Dr Lana: "All right, we're back. We've got Sheri holding on line 2. Sheri, are you there? Sheri?"
Sheri: "Dr Lana?"
Dr Lana: "Yes. I said you were on the air"
Sheri: "Oh! Sorry. Wow! I'm, like, on the air? Right now?"
Dr Lana: "Yes, you are on the air. What's on your mind?"
Sheri: "Dr Lana, I'm my kid's mom ummmmmmmmm kinda anyway. I mean I am but it's different than it was.
Dr Lani: "Sheri, just how old are you?"
Sheri: "I'm 36 but I'm kinda, like, 14 now"
Dr Lana: "You sound more like a 14 year old than a 36 year old. What are you saying?"
Sheri: "Oh ummmmmmmmmm My sister ummmmmmm daughter was mad at me, ya know? And so she got this necklace or something from this old woman. She thought I was, like, being too strict, ya know? So she got this medallion thingy so she could make wishes or something"
Dr Lana: "Sheri, I have NO idea what you are talking about. Try to go easy me! How old is your sister or daughter or whatever?"
Sheri: "Teri is 14 too"
Dr Lana: "OK?"
Sheri: "Got it now? She's like my age errrrrrrrr maybe I'm more like her age now. Anyway, this necklace thingy is real magic like and she used it on me. She wished that I could understand her better and be more like her!"
Dr Lana: "Oh OK. How'd you get past my screener? You understand this is more than a little unbelievable? We don't have time to waste with practical jokers...."
Sheri: "Dr Lana! No! Please listen! When she made that wish things got all funny like and then I felt a chill. My clothes got all bigger and stuff. Then I, like, realized how me and Teri were more alike than before! I knew what she'd been trying to tell me, ya know?"
Dr Lana: "So she made a wish and you suddenly looked like a teenager?"
Sheri: "Yeah!"
Dr Lana: "And you think and act like a teenager, too?"
Sheri: "Yeah!"
Dr Lana: "Uh huh. Wellllllll Call me master of the obvious but I'd say you are a teenager then! I really need to move on to a REAL call....:
Sheri: "But you haven't helped me yet!???"
Dr Lana: "Ok. Let's see. I'll make this fast. You're still the parent in your little story so my advice would be to tell your sister errrrrrrrrrr daughter to wish you back to adulthood."
Sheri: "No, that's not the problem! I'm cool being younger and all. I gotta different problem!"
Dr Lana: "Oh I know I'm going to regret this... What is your question to me, then?
Sheri: "I like Teri's boyfriend and I think he like's me too!"
Dr Lana: "Oh my. I knew I shouldn't have asked. You like your sister or daughter or whoever's boyfriend? That's not exactly nice. You know that don't you?"
Sheri: "Ummmmm yeah.... BUT I think he likes me too! Doesn't that make a difference?"
Dr Lana: "Not if you don't want a family feud on your hands! Listen, you don't make plays on boyfriends or husbands of other family members. It isn't right and it can only cause pain to the people in your family. These are peopl you'll surely hurt. You ever hear of puppy love? That is all this is. I've been 14 but you haven't been an adult. I know what I am talking about and you are just lost in a fantasy"
Sheri: "But I told you.... I HAVE been an adult!"
Dr Lana: "Sheri, I don't have time to play games. If you really believe that you've somehow been turned into a kid then you need more help than I can give you here. On the other hand, I don't really believe that YOU even believe your story."
Sheri: "But Dr Lana???"
Dr Lana: "You are allowed to have boyfriends at 14? That seems awfully young!"
Sheri: "That's what we were, like, arguing about that caused her to do this in the first place. See, I told her she couldn't date but now I kinda like think I was being stupid and mean! And Steve is sooooooooooooo cute!"
Dr Lana: "It doesn't matter how cute he is. He is taken. Until HE breaks it off he is strictly off limits. Besides, I don't think 14 year olds should have boyfriends anyway!"
Sheri: "But since I'm not really 14 it'd be OK, right?"
Dr Lana: "Honey, if you look 14, act 14, dress 14, think 14 then I think we can safely say you are 14! It doesn't matter how old you are anyway- You don't mess with you sister's boyfriends. You've got to get past this. Sheri, is your sister or daughter or... I'm so confused! Is Teri there?"
Sheri: "Yes"
Dr Lana: "Put her on the phone please. Tell her she'll be live on the radio"
Teri: "Hello?"
Dr Lana: "Teri, do you understand that you are on the radio now? Do we have your permission to air your voice?"
Teri: "Ummmmmm yeah I guess so..."
Dr Lana: "Your sister has told quite a tale. She's a little old to be believing fantasies like that and I'm not sure this isn't one big joke anyway. She could really need to see someone locally if she doesn't drop this silly story about being wished into being a kid again. But, I'm gonna take a shot here and see if, with your help, we can't get her to stop fantasizing. Have you got that medallion that she acts like she believes is magic?"
Teri: "Yeah?"
Dr Lana: "Well, put it on or whatever you have to do to fire it up and do as I say"
Teri: "It's ready"
Dr Lana: "OK first tell your sister that you love her"
Teri: "Sheri, I ummmmmmm love you, OK?"
Dr Lana: "Now keep looking at her and repeat after me: 'I wish Sheri would forget this silly stuff about being a mother and just be a normal teenager...."
Teri: "BUT ummmmm????"
Dr Lana: "Just play along. She probably will too and we can end this fantasy. Now repeat after me: 'I wish Sheri would forget this silly stuff about being a mother and just be my normal teenage sister"
Teri: [giggles] "I wish Sheri would forget this silly stuff about being a mother and just be my normal teenage sister!" [more giggles]
Dr Lana: "How'd she take it? What is she doing now?"
Teri: "She's not paying attention. She's starting to paint her toenails"
Dr Lana: "Well, that's certainly a normal teenager. Her focus has already shifted! [laughs] Try and get her back on the phone, please"
Sheri: "Hello?"
Dr Lana: "Hello Sheri! Are you better now?"
Sheri: "Ummmmmm better? Like, how?"
Dr Lana: "Are you really 14 or are you 36?"
Sheri: "36 what?"
Dr Lana: "How old are you?"
Sheri: "I'm 14!"
Dr Lana: "So everything is all better now? I just love a happy ending!"
Sheri: "I'm cool.... but I do got, like, this gnarly zit starting I think"
Dr Lana: [laughs] "It comes with the territory, Sweetie! Well, I think we can move on. Just remember to leave your sister's boyfriends alone. And don't date until you're REALLY 36! [Laughs]. Now folks, that'd be something wouldn't it? A necklace so that you could wish for whatever you want! Youth, money, an attentive husband! [laughs]. Don't know how I'd handle being a teenager again but I wish I could find out! OK, Bye girls let's get to our next caller."
Teri: [giggles] "I wish you'd find out what it's like to be a teenager again too, Dr Lana! [laughs] Bye!"
Dr Lana: "Hey....my shoes just, like, fell off cause my seat raised up!? [sound of Dr Lana cracking her gum in the background]. My voice sounds funny too! I bet I need something to drink... have we got any, like, Coca Cola or something? This tea kinda sucks! My blouse is all big! What're you guys lookin' at in there? Why are you staring at me?! Hey!??? .............."
The End