I was dumbfounfed. I looked at my sister. She didn't seem to be lying. "So ...how old was I last night?" I asked.
"Well duh! 11, just like you are today," she said.
"I wasn't 13? Are you sure?" I asked.
Amy didn't hesitate. "Of course I'm sure. How could you be older yesterday than you are today? What is with you? You are acting really weird today squirt," Amy said. "Now, if you're done in here, can I use the bathroom now please?" she gave me a swat on my behind. "Out!" she said.
This was getting way too bizarre for me. I went to my room and started getting dressed. My room looked the same as yesterday. Same posters. Same clothes in the drawers. But look at me, I'm really 11. I put on my underwear and had on my training bra and little girl panties before I realized that I should be wearing more mature stuff...like it was becoming natural for me to dress like this. I put on a tee shirt and shorts and thought for a moment. This all started out with just dressing like a child and altering some records. But I really am a child now. Are Amy and mommy just putting on and elaborate act, or do they really not appreciate that I am becoming younger. Every time I get younger they seem to have no recollection that I used to be older...or is that just play acting. Somewhere there has to be a record of my former life. I sat down at my computer and logged on. I know...school records...lets see. I went to my college website. They list the grads from each year and what they are doing, where they live. Mine should say that I live here, and my profession is 'undecided' (like I was going to put waitress, or I guess server, as a career!). I looked up my name...not there. Ok, so no record that I ever graduated college. That would be the obvious record to alter. I went to my high school website. I wasn't there either. All of my friends were listed though..my friends! Some of them are still in town. Do they remember me? Like Jessica, we used to hang out all the time. We went to different schools and didn't talk much, but we're still friends. I haven't seen her since spring break. I'll call her up and then I'll at least know....I'll at least know what? That someone remembers I should be grown up? What if she doesn't? I was scared of the answer.
I picked up the phone and dialed Jessica's number. I didn't think she had a job yet...the job market really does suck for grads, I was right about that. She should be home. I hoped it wasn't too early to call. The phone rang a few times, and then she picked up. "Yawn....hello?" she asked sleepily. oops, I guess I did wake her up.
"Sorry to wake you Jess. Its me, Katie," I said hopefully.
"Hi Katie. Yawn. I had to get up anyway, s'ok. How have you been? I haven't seen you since spring break." She remembered me! I could barely contain my excitement.
"Uh...I've been good, I guess. But I was thinking that I haven't seen you for a while..and it would be nice to hook up. You busy today?" I asked.
"Not as busy as I should be I guess. I wonder if I'll ever get a real job. My parents can't wait...they know I should be out on my own, but you can't pay rent if you don't work. I would love to see you. Give me some time to get up and all, and I'll stop by your place. How's that?" she asked, yawning again.
"That sounds fine. Come over whenever you want, I'll be here. Bye!" I said. Like there was somewhere else I was going to be. How far can I get on my bike? I don't drive yet...I corrected myself....I don't drive anymore. Damn. It was getting kinda hard for me to remember...and it was so important that I remember...that I am supposed to be grown up. That I am not supposed to be 11 years old. I have to remind myself that I am supposed to be...I stopped. I am supposed to be what? It was hazy, but I was pretty sure I was supposed to be older than 20, like 21 or 22...that's it, 22. I have to keep telling myself that...22...22...22. I went downstairs for breakfast, and my mommy was at the table.
"Hiya honey, what do you want to eat," she asked.
'Um, just cereal I guess," I said. She gave me a bowl of Frosted Flakes. I haven't had them for years, but I had to admit, they tasted good. "I called Jessica. She might stop by today," I said between spoonfuls.
"Oh, we haven't seen her since spring break. She's a nice girl, it'll be good to see her. We do have some errands to run today though dear," she said.
"Like what?" I asked.
"Well, we have to get your things together for camp. They send out a list of what you'll need, and it does start next week. We shouldn't have waited until the last minute, there's so much to do," she said matter-of-factly.
"But mommy, I told you yesterday I don't want to go to camp! Please don't make me go!" I said desperately.
"I know you don't think you want to go, but I bet once you're there you'll have fun," she said.
"Well I'm not going! You can't make me!" I said.
"Sigh. Of course I can make you, I'm your mother. Now look Katie, we have to think practically. For one thing, Amy has already signed on to be a CIT and she's really looking foward to it. I have to work. Who would look after you while I was at work? We got a good deal on the camp, we can't get our money back, and I can't afford a babysitter for the whole summer. So you can stomp your feet all you want little miss, but you're going," she said emphatically.
"But mommy, I don't wanna!" I said, just as emphatically.
"That's just too bad young lady," mommy said.
"And I don't need a 'babysitter'," I shot back.
"I disagree Katie, and my vote counts more than yours does. A girl your age needs adult supervision. You are going to camp. You can either go willingly, or unwillingly, but I can guarantee that you are going. I really wish you would stop acting so childish. Its like I'm talking to a 6 year old, I swear! You're 11 Katie, please try to act that way," she said. I got out my chair and stomped out of the room, past Amy who was coming down for breakfast. I ran into my room and jumped onto my bed, crying. I grabbed one of my stuufed animals, my fluffy doggy (that I hadn't seen in years but was there now, with others, on my bed) and hugged him. And cried. This was all too much. Camp! For the whole summer! She can't make me go, she can't! I'll ...I'll run away! Then she'll be sorry. They both will...I cried, and couldn't stop crying. I felt so small and alone. I didn't want to live my life over agin. It just wasn't fair! I heard a soft knock on the door.
"Go.....go away!" I screamed, between sobs.
"Katie? Its only me, Jessica. Can I come in?" she asked. Jessica! Finally, a friend! I jumped up and opened the door and looked up at my friend. She was always taller than me, about 5'6. I always thought she was very pretty, with her long blond hair and tight body. She was wearing a summer skirt and a halter top. I guess she wasn't interviewing today for any jobs. She looked at me, her eyes wide.
"Katie? Is...is that you? I can't believe it. What happened?" she asked, unbelieving.
"Oh Jess....thank god, you remember me," I sobbed. I rushed into her arms and she held me aginst her breast as I cried. She soothed me, patting my back.
"Shhhh....there...there, its ok....I'm here now...shhhhh," she said, rocking me. We sat down on the bed. She dried my tears. "What happened to you sweetie?" she asked.
And it all came out. "I don't....I don't know! I remember coming home from work....and mommy saying that....that she was going to make it so..so I was Amy's little sister but I thought it was gonna be an act an that she was gonna just dress me that way an I'm small anyway so it would work an she was gonna change my records an...an then it wasn't just my clothes anymore an then I was really smaller an I'm just so scared! But you remember! You remember that I'm a grown up!" I hugged her.
"You're what?" she asked, puzzled.
"You remember seeing me on spring break," I said.
"Of course I do," she said.
"I'm so glad! Mommy and Amy are acting so weird, treating me like a child! You're the only one who knows....who remembers...I thought I was going insane," I said, relieved.
"Let's just settle down honey," she said. "Your mommy told me how upset you were, and it's ok, really it is," she said, holding me. "Its natural to be scared of going to camp at first," she said.
"What? That's not...that's not it," I stammered.
"Sure it is. Away from home for the first time, in a strange new place, not knowing anyone," she said.
"No, that isn't it at all! I...I thought you remembered me. At spring break, we hung out, remember?" I asked, scared.
"Of course we hung out. I came home from school and your mommy needed a sitter for you, and I needed the cash..." she said.
"What?! But I thought...I thought you remembered me...as...as," I was going to cry again.
"As what?" Jess asked.
"As a grown up," I said, finally.
"When I sat for you we played the 'grown up' game, where we pretended we were the same age," she began. "It was your fantasy, and I thought it was fun." She smiled softly.
"But it wasn't a game! I was your age!" I said.
"Of course you were," she said, a little condescendingly.
"No, really!" I responded.
Jess looked at me and laughed. "Ok. Right. And then you, what, got younger? And somehow turned into a little girl? Somehow the hands of the clock magically reversed and all the sudden...poof! You're 11!" She laughed again. "You have such an imagination Katie...but, listen, no games now. What you're saying is not possible, and you know it. You're just upset about going to camp. When I was your age..." she said
"You are my age!" I almost yelled.
Jess laughed again, and looked down at her breasts, "Well, if I am, I sure am one developed 11 year old!" She said, laughing again. "Or maybe its that you're a very underdeveloped 22 year old," she said, patting my nearly flat chest. "Really sweetie, when I was your age I didn't want to go to camp at first but once I got there, you know what? It was great! I met new friends, we camped out side, toasted marshmellows. I kissed my first boy there. It was really fun. I love sitting for you, but I have to get a better paying job this summer. And I bet after a while, you would have a much better time at camp than hanging out with me. And your mommy say's Amy will be there too, and it'll be like the two of you are on vacation, on your own." She hugged me. "Don't be scared. And Katie? Don't try to grow up too fast. Sometimes....sometimes I wish I was still a kid. Sometimes I wish I really was your age. I really do consider you my friend, not just some brat that I sit for. You can call me anytime. But listen, I've some things to do today, and your mommy tells me you do too. If you want, I can stop by tonight and see you. And we can play 'our game.' 'K?" she asked.
"O....okay," I sniffed. She really didn't remember. She didn't remember me. It wasn't me, it wasn't my mommy or Amy or Jess. It was the world. It was reality. She left, and I cried.
to be continued