Innocent Guilt
To Hurt is to Become
Chapter 1 Edwards family life
Bills Office
On April 6, 2002 Bill Edwards has been finishing up his last set of papers when his security paged him on the phone.”Sir, I know you said do not disturb you because you were heading out in a few minutes, but there is a phone call for you from the Senator.” His Security spoke.
“Its ok, transfer him through.” Bill sighed. ' She's going to kill me for missing another dance recital.' He thought. Today was the day of his daughters dance recital. He knew by missing it she would be upset. “How may I help you Senator Willams?”
“It's my daughter. She's gone crazy. Yesterday I came home and found her in DIAPERS!” He screamed the last part.” Can you believe that. She had actually bought diapers and had them on. When I asked her why she had bought them. Her only reply was 'A baby need diapers.' I've had it up to here. I need outside help. Please tell me what to do? Can you imagine what the press will think?”
“Calm down sir. I need a few facts before I can figure out what is going on in her head. Has she ever been around or taken any illegal substances?”
“No, I have a body guard that keeps
a watchful eye on her. She isn't allowed anything like that.”
“What about family troubles have you or the Misses been fighting?”
“No. I love my wife. We could never fight.” That's what they all say Bill thought.
“hum, we have ruled out these
possibilities. The next set may get a little more difficult. Before I ask I need to know that you are up to the task of answering it. Do you understand what I'm saying Senator?”
“Yes, anything just please help me.” He answered.
“Has your daughter ever had any mental related problems or stress problems?” Bill asked.
“As far as mental problems no. She was the perfect little girl when she was younger. Now stress is hard to say. As a father I have always tried to be there for her, but there were times I missed out on certain events of her life.” The senator answered.
“What type of things did you miss out on?” Bill asked
“For starter a few of her birthdays, there was the big cheer leading contest that I missed, and dance recitals.” The senator quivered at the thought and realization of it.” You don't think that these could be reasons for her current behavior do you doc?” The senator asked.
“These could all be possibility's. With children it is never a no or yes answer. I would need to talk to her in person. How is tomorrow at 10am for you?' Looking over at his clock Bill thought there might be a chance for him to make it his own daughters dance recital if he rapped it up quickly.
“I can manage. I will send a police car to escort you here if you need.”
“No, I'm fine without one. I'll be there on time and ready. Just have your daughter in a normal setting so I can observe her reactions first hand.” Bill replied. They both hung up and that was it. Bill paged his security and told her that she could leave now. It took him a few minutes to grab his brief case and straighten up everything,. When he finished he was off and gone too.
The Dance recital
Bill had been racing down the lanes as fast is possible. He was spinning with adrenaline and endorphin right now. “Damn crazy female driver.” He yelled as he passed the car in front of him. 'If they call it a highway then why doesn't everyone go at the same speed.' he thought as he tried interchanging lanes. Finally he had reached the parking lot of the convention hall. He quickly found a parking spot after nearly colliding with a car . After finally parking and doing a bad job of it Bill finally made it into the recital hall. When he entered nobody was there.'Damn!' he thought as he searched around. WACK! He had just slammed head first into a janitor.”I'm sorry.”Bill said as he tried to get up.
“It's ok. Happens all the time. Just pay more attention and slow down it isn't the end of the world.” The janitor replied.
“It will be if I don't make it to see my
daughter. Perhaps you can help me. Do you happen to know where the 5 year olds of Princesses Academy is?”
“Yes sir I do. If you take a left over at that corner and then a right at the next and a left after that you will find the room labeled auditorium.” The Janitor replied.
“Thank you and again sorry for
knocking you over.” Bill replied quickly and then ran for the room.
“They never listen.” The janitor
sighed as he watched Bill run off.
After taking the left, then right, and
then left again he finally made it to the room. His nerves were driving him crazy. He wanted to enter, but parts of him held him back. That was when the doors opened automatically and the audience was all falling out. He was faced in the middle of thousands of parents holding their children's hands. His hurt fell to the ground. 'Damn if only I had been sooner.' He thought. That was when he saw the face . Her mother was carrying her by the arms. The tears running down the cheeks. His daughter was crying and he had caused it. He ran over to meet them. “Honey I tried. Honestly I really tried to make it.” Bill said with a sadden and guilty heart.
“Not a word. This was the last draw. All she wanted was to see you there like all the other fathers. The worst part was having to explain to the other parents why you weren't here. We had saved you a seat and everything. “
With that she started walking again. As she walked away he saw his daughters face again. She glanced at him in tears and all.”Daddy's mean!” A faint voice spoke.
She thought he was mean. He just
stood there in a deep depressed state. His vision of being the perfect father had just been shattered. His daughter no longer thought of him as the way he had seen in the pictures on his desk. His wife was angry at him for the embarrassment that he had caused them. He stood there questioning everything for hours till complete darkness had surrounded him.
Home
Bill was upset about everything that had happen. He didn't want to upset his daughter, but work had got in the way. The sad truth was Bill was doing the same thing that the Senator had done to his daughter. How was he going to help her when he can't even help is own house hold. The conflicts were causing him to have giant mi-grain.
Slowly he walked up to the door at which his wife was waiting for him.”We need to talk.” She said. They walked through the living room, then crossed through the den to the bedroom where they shut the doors in hope that Chrissy wouldn't hear. “I know your work kept you from making it. I also understand and don't hold it against you. The thing that is hard is seeing that girls face and then trying to explain it. Everyday she practiced hard just so she could see our faces shining back from the audience.”
Bill sighed,” I really did try. I had
even promised her that I would be there. When I saw that face and heard those words I felt guilty for causing my little girl pain. How could I have done that to my own daughter.?”
Cindy, Bills wife name, went over to him. She set next to him and placed her arms over his.” Listen I know you tried. It's just that to a little girl her father and mother's support is a must. Not only that I need you there.” She then leaned over to kiss him. She really wasn't trying to be hard on him. It's just that it was hard taking care of a 5 year old alone. She felt like a only parent at times while Bill was wasn't there..
“Honey, I really want to make it up to you and her. How can I?” Bill questioned.
“The only thing we can do now is hope. There are no quick solutions to this. We just need time to think our options over, but I have faith we can make it through together.” They both held each other hands tightly together and forgetting the world outside and inside.
Upstairs Chrissy's room
Chrissy knew that her father had come home, but she was to upset to go down and see him. She was sitting on the floor next to her doll house combing her dolly's hair. Inside was a family similar to that which made up her own family. The mommy was in the kitchen cooking. While the daddy was thrown in the trash. The baby was her dolly that she kept close to her in her hands. “Daddy's stupid. Daddy Stupid.” She kept saying and crying the whole time. In her mind she couldn't understand why her daddy had missed her dance recital. 'He said that he would be there. I just wish he knew how it felt.' she thought. Chrissy wasn't really a bad girl. She just felt upset and hurt.
Back in Cindy and Bill's bedroom
Cindy looked over at the time and noticed that it was 2am. She nudged her way loose from Bill. “Can't we stay like this just a little longer?” Bill asked.
“I wish we could, but it's late and I still haven't gotten our daughter to bed.” Cindy replied. Bill just sighed and gave a pout.” Don't worry I'll be back.”
“I know, it's just that we don't get to share many moments like these anymore. It felt good.” They both sighed at the same time.
Cindy was half way out the door though. It had only taken her 3 minutes to go up the stairs to Chrissy's room. When she opened the door she noticed Chrissy next to the doll house.” Al right little one. Time for bed. It's way past your bedtime.” Cindy spoke with the hint of authority. Chrissy turned and looked at her mother. Her mother could tell that she had been crying yet put on a front.
Chrissy got up and went to her mother.” Does daddy still love me?” She asked her mother. Tears ran down her cheeks.
“Honey, he loved you since the day
you were born. Why would you think that he wouldn't?” Cindy asked knowing the answer. She had a feeling her daughter would still be upset about today's events. It was part of the reason she had allowed her to stay up this late.
“He lied to me mommy. He said that he could and would be there. It just isn't fair. I tried so hard tonight.”Chesly said.
“I know you did honey and I was very proud of you. Everyone was. Your dance moves were right on. They all clapped and cheered for you.' Cindy replied trying to cheer her daughter up.
“But he wasn't there. Daddy wasn't there to see my performance. He's never there to see me.” Chrissy screamed letting her tempter over take the best of her.
Cindy held her and gave her a tight hug. “Your father wasn't there because of his job. He really did try to be there, but it kept him from making it. You know that without that job he wouldn't be able to support us and without that support you wouldn't be able to be in dance.” Cindy stated. She knew Chrissy would understand. It was just a matter of time and care.
“I know. It just makes me sad that he can't be there. I know it's not his fault.” Chrissy replied squishing back on her mother.
Cindy lifted up her daughters cheek. Then kneeled down so that she was level with her.”Will you do mommy a favor and be a big girl and go give your dad a hug?” She dried the tears away from her daughters cheeks.
“Ok” Chrissy weakly replied. Her mother had taken her hand and lead her to the stairs. Bill was waiting at the bottom for them to meet him. He had been listening to his wife and daughters conversation and knew he was one of the Luckiest man alive. Cindy let go of Chrissy's hand and watched her go down the stairs. For Chrissy it took her awhile to get down each step. With a child that was to be expected. There legs weren't as long as adults and they had to hold on tighter to the railing.
“Why what do we have here. It looks to me that a angel has fallen from Heaven.” Bill said while opening his arms out to give Chrissy a hug.
“Hi Daddy.” Chrissy said. Part of her wanted to except the hug, but another part was still battling the argues to run back to mommy and hide. Only one side would win and that was the one that accepted the hug. The two hugged and then let go of each other.
“I know I let you down sweat heart. Daddy is very sorry for it. How about tomorrow night we go out for ice cream and cake?” It wouldn't take away the pain, but Bill knew at least it would help.
Chrissy showed signs of a weak smile. She was still upset, but she liked the sound of that ice cream.”Ok daddy.”
The two hugged then her mother led her to the bathroom. The house had contained 3 bathrooms. Two of them had full baths and the other just had a toilet and sink.. The bathroom that they were currently in had been converted into the children's bathroom. It had a walk in closet that held all of Chrissy's sleeping clothes and bath toys. Her mother grabbed them along with a bathrobe that had a picture of a princess on it. Below the picture it had stitching that spelled out the word Princess. She then brought those to her daughter who had been waiting on the toilet. “Don't forget to wipe underneath.” Cindy said.
“Mom, you don't have to remind me anymore. I'm a big girl now.” Chrissy embarrassing replied.
“I know, but to me you will always be mommy's little girl.” Cindy had touched Chrissy noise. This produced a smile and also another blush.” Cindy helped remove the rest of the dance costume that Chrissy had on and placed it neatly to the side. She then started the tub. First she turned the nob to cold and then turned it gradually to hot to allow the water to get warm. Once she was satisfied with the temperature she then put the plug in to stop up the water. She then helped her daughter into the tub. Before she would have picked her up and put her in, but Chrissy was a growing girl and part of the learning experience was her getting in on her own. After she was safely into the tub Cindy then grabbed the bubble bath. It had become routine for the bubbles to be added and Cindy had been so used to it that she could pour the right amount in without measuring it out anymore. “Now because you are such a big girl I'm going to be right out side. Just remember turn the knob off by twisting it like I have showed you and don't let the water fill up to full. Remember when your ready to scrub up just call for me and I'll be there. “
“Ok.” Chrissy replied. She had already been happily playing with her toys and was ready for her mother to leave. She watched her mother quietly leave. Bath times were always her favorite times. She loved how the bubbles tickled her noise. She also loved how funny her face looked when she held her bath time mirror up.
Cindy's office room
While Chrissy was taking her bath she usually went to her office to get some work done. Before Chrissy was born they had used the room as a spare bedroom. However Bill had contractors come in and remodel the room. Just like Bills office, Cindy's office contained pictures of her daughter and Bill. There was a library of books on the wall that Cindy had used while she was a case worker for the state. Now she only took a few cases while Chrissy was at kindergarten. She also used the room as a safe heaven to escape the worries from everyday life. Right now it gave her a peaceful place to relax while her daughter bathed. “She really is a good kid and you are a great mother with her. “Bill said placing his arms around Cindy which had startled her.
“Do you have to do that every time you walk in here?” She questioned him.
“Well if I didn't I couldn't see the natural beautiful of my wife everyday.” Bill Responded.
Cindy blushed,”You know she's right next door. She'll hear us.”
“I know, I peeked by as I was walking in. She didn't see or noticed me, but I just had to make sure my little angel was ok. It's amazing how much she looks like you. especially the eyes.” Bill responded.
“Well she has your noise. I admit she is a handful, but without her here it just wouldn't be the same around here. “
“Ever thought of us producing another?” Bill asked.
“Well now is that a excuse to get me in bed.”
“A little of both Grrr.” Bill said with a voice that sounded like a energetic tiger. The two of them giggled and kissed each other.
“Mommy, I'm ready.” The two heard there daughter calling off in the distances.
“You know she has the same timing as your mother does. She always knows just the wrong time to call you.” Bill joked.
“Oh you, well a woman's work never ends. I'll meet you upstairs just save that energy.” She teased by showing a little bit of her legs. Then walked off to the bathroom to get her daughter scrubbed up and ready for bed.
Back in the bathroom
Cindy scrubbed head to toe of Chrissy's body. She wanted to make sure her daughter was cleaned. When she figured she had scrubbed enough she then grabbed the Johnsons and johnsons shampoo for her daughters hair. She squeezed it into Chrissy's hair and then started to rub it in. “How much longer?” Chrissy questioned.
“Just a little bit more sweetheart. Hang in there.” Cindy replied. A foul expression was hanging on Chrissy's face. She was ready to get out.” There all done. That wasn't so bad was it?”
“No mommy.” Chrissy replied.
Cindy then gave her daughter the signal that it was ok to come out of the water. As Chrissy rose up she then placed the towel around her hair to dry it off. Then Cindy moved down the body till all of her daughter's body was dry as can be. She then placed the bathrobe on her daughter and tied it shut. The next step of Chrissy's everyday bath process was drying the hair and brushing it out so there would be no tangles. Chrissy had long strawberry blonde hair that took 20 minutes each night to brush out. “Ouch. Why do we have to do this every night mommy?” Chrissy asked.
“It's the same as I told you the last time you asked. If I didn't your hair would tangle up and chances are we would have to cut it off.” Cindy replied. Chrissy cringed at the thought of her hair being cut off. She always loved how people gave her complement on how pretty it was. After all of it had been properly combed out she then lead her daughter back to the closet where Chrissy picked out a pretty ballerina print long john style pajama. It was one of her favorite sets of pj's because it showed ballerina's dancing around and she loved ballerina along with anything else related to dance. First Cindy placed the top part onto Chrissy's head and then the bottom. After she was all safe and snug in her pj's Cindy then took Chrissy over to the sink where she put her daughter on a step stole so that she could brush her teeth. Chrissy didn't care for this part of the process, but she knew it was something she had to go through. After 2 minutes of brushing it was then time to walk Chrissy back to her room and tuck her in.
Chrissy's bed had been specially bought for her. It was that of a princess play house. On the right was were she kept her pony's and the left contained all of the dollies that she liked. Chrissy's bed sheets were made up of Little mermaid. It was her favorite Disney movie. A step stool also lay next to Chrissy's bed that she used to get up and on to the bed. After climbing up her mother then reached down to tuck the sheets in around her and gave her daughter a hug.” I love you mommy.” Chrissy said.
“I love you too. Sweet dreams” Cindy replied. With that Cindy left while her daughter soon fell into pleasant little girl dreams.
Bill and Cindy's Bedroom
Cindy had entered the room hoping to find Bill ready and eager for sex. As she climbed in she noticed that Bill had already fallen to sleep. She let out a deep sigh. ' I guess when your stuck between a child and work pleasure becomes a lost cause. Maybe tomorrow night.' With those final thoughts Cindy fell asleep too.