Innocent Guilt
To Hurt is to Become
Chapter 5 Final Chapter
“We know that you are coming. Soon, all shall be revealed,” the voice said. Bill had slipped into another one of his delusional episodes during the night.
“What truth? I am Bill Edwards. You tried and failed at brainwashing me, so now you are back to your old tricks of invading my mind while I'm asleep. Why won't you just leave me alone and let me make something of my life that you've already destroyed,” Bill replied back.
“All shall be revealed,” the voice repeat.
A room in the Head Quarters
Bill woke up next to Cindy and
Chrissy. He remembered all the pain that he had caused Chrissy and parts of him felt guilty. She was just a child, but she was his child and he cared as much for her as she had for him.
He then gave out a sigh and left the room. Bill knew that today might be the last day he would ever see his family if something went wrong, but he had to keep with the plan and ride this the whole way out.
“Good, you're awake. We were just about to start the preparations for today's mission,” Mr. Williams said. He was on his way to get Bill.
“I'm ready. I just pray that we figure way out of this,” Bill responded.
“Well, don't worry. If everything goes as planned, we'll be back to our old selves in no time. And if it doesn't. you might want to get used to wearing a diaper,” Mr. Williams joked. Bill just gave him the evil eye.
When Bill and Mr. Williams arrived at the operations room they were meet by Dan and Reno. The two were dressed in enough SWAT gear to make someone think they were going up against a whole country.
“Bill have you ever used a dart gun before?” Reno asked.
“No,” Bill replied.
“It's very simple. The trigger is the same as a regular gun. The only difference is that it shoots out these darts.” Reno passed Bill one of the darts. The tip of it was red, and it looked like a blue substance was inside the dart.
”We don't want to risk using live bullets with a civilian. These will knock the target out for one hour, allowing us easy access to the main room. Inside the main room you'll find central command for CITZEN. Now, it's vital that you pay attention to what I'm saying.” Reno looked at Bill. However Bill just gave a small nod similar to that given when a parent is trying to lecture their teenager about drugs.
”To disable CITZEN you will need to press the green button. These are the blueprints of what the main computer looks like. If you do not press the green button then we can not shut down CITZEN. This is your last chances to back out of the mission. “
“I've already made up my mind. This
is the only solution to my problem at hand,” Bill responded.
“Ok then. Lets head out, troops,” Mr. Williams spoke.
“Not so fast.” Cindy had entered the room and was holding Chrissy in her hands.
”How could you leave me just sitting there without even saying goodbye? Do you really care that little about us?” she said.
“I care more about you now then I did before, but how am I supposed to face our daughter when I can't even get a job or prove that I was once the man you married,” Bill responded.
“Still, that is no excuse. Just because Chrissy was upset and confused last night doesn't mean you have the right to walk off and leave us. We are your family for God's sake.” Cindy spoke with tears rowing down her cheeks.
“I understand, but I just can't face her like this. I'm scared enough myself. These emotions and hormones are so different from what I'm used to that I just can't stand it. I want my old life back. I want to be who I used to be so I can hold you and Chrissy in my arms. Please allow me to do this for the sake of our daughter's happiness.”
“I know I can't stop you. I don't want to stop you. I just want to make sure that you're ok. I accept you as who you are and not the body that appears on the outside. Can't you accept that fact too?'
“I can never accept this body. It is a reminder that they stole my life away. If I just gave up and quit, that would be admitting I have failed, and I do not plan on failing. I will come back not as a 13 year old girl, but as the man I used to be. You just wait for me. I promise I will be back,” Bill said allowing his emotions to overtake him.
“I guess that all that I can do is wait then. Either way, by the end of today I gain a second daughter or get the man back that I fell in love with. Just return home to me. Otherwise I won't forgive you for running out on me.”
“I promise. Now please take our child and get some rest. I don't know if I'll be able to complete my task if I see her hurt face again.”
Will those last words from Bill, Cindy left with her child. Deep inside, Cindy hoped that Bill would accept whatever fate he was dealt to him and return to her like he promised when it was all over.
“Now if you ladies are finished, I believe we have to be off to save the world,” Reno said.
Bill, Reno, Mr. Williams, and Dan headed out. They were the first and last hope for the world.
“By the way, just where are we
heading to?”
Everyone stopped dead in there
tracks at the silly question Bill asked.
“Gee, I don't know. Maybe we're off to see the Wizard so that he can give you a new brain,” Mr. Williams responded.
“That was so funny I forgot to laugh,.” Bill responded, sticking out his tongue.
“Girls, if you two don't stop fighting I'll turn this car around and there will be no cookies or ice cream for dessert for either of you,” Reno replied. He had to cover his mouth to hold back to laughter.
“Very funny. Now if you don't mind, I think we should go ahead with the mission,” Mr. Williams replied.
Now that the group had regained their sanity, they were truly off to fight against CITZEN. The route to CITZEN HQ was a long drive through the desert. It took three hours by car, and then two on foot to reach the pipes. This would be the hard part of their mission. They would then have to incapacitate anyone who was in the way of reaching the main computer system. .
Mr. Williams was the first to reach the pip. When he did he noticed two pipes were together. “Damn now what do we do?” He said.
“It looks like we are going to have to spilt up.” Reno said.
“Then how are we going to do it?” Bill asked.
“Well normally when two people spilt off they go in two groups.” Mr. Williams responded.
“No you know that isn't what I meant. I mean which two people are going to group up?” Bill asked.
“Since we do have two children with us I believe that Dan and I should flip for which of the rug-rats we get to protect.” Reno said.
“Hey now, just because we have the bodies of children doesn't mean that we are children. Bill and I are perfectly capable of being a group of two.” Mr. Williams said.
“That may be true, but what happens if a group of adults come up that you can not handle?” Reno said to Mr. Williams.
“Then I'll kick them square in the balls.” Bill replied with a smile on his face.
“Easy there. Just because your smaller gives you no right to use that method.” Reno said backing away.
“As much as I hate to admit it he is right.” Sarah sighed.
“Well then now that it is settled I will flip a coin. Heads I get Mr. Williams and Tails I get Bill.” Reno flipped the coin and it landed on tails. “Well then I guess your coming with me cutie.” Reno said to Bill which caused him to blush.
“Well this is good bye then. Good luck to the both of you and see you on the other side.” Mr. Williams said while getting into the pipe.
Reno winked at Dan and said,” You protected that little lady and don't take advantage of her like the last one.” Reno joked. Dan just smiled back.
“I heard that! Just remember I'm still the one who signs off on your pay checks.” Yelled Mr. Williams. With those last words Dan and Mr. Williams disappeared.
The entrance pipe to CITZEN was long. It took a while for the group to crawl through the pipe. Once in the pipe however Bill had a new heart attack from a seward rat.” Ewe,” Bill screamed.
“Quiet. If you keep screaming out like that you will give away our location.” Reno said.
“I just can't help it these stupid girlly emotions are running through my body and it is just sick. I think I'm going to throw up if I see another rat run across the room.” Bill replied.
Reno was having a hard time with Bill. He was becoming more childish by the minute. He felt sorry for the girl. However he just didn't know how to protect her from her own self. By bringing her along he knew that the group was at risk of being caught.
A person appeared in front of them. He was the enemy.” Shot him already. For the love of God shot him.” Reno screamed. He had his handful with other members of CITZEN.
“I can not!” Bill screamed.
He dropped the gun. Reno ran over and shot the man. “Why didn't you shoot him?” Reno asked.
“When I saw his face I saw only the face of another human looking back. I couldn't make myself do it,” Bill replied.
“This is war. They are our enemy, and we have to stop them if we wish to survive the mission,” Reno said.
“But how can I shoot someone who has a family? We don't know what they are fighting for. We don't know why. I just can't do it.” Bill replied.
“Then you may as well turn back right now, because you are of no use to us if you can't,” Reno exclaimed, slapping Bill in the face. He didn't want to hurt her, but this was war. Bill needed to understand that sometimes people must be hurt if they were to survive in this world.
Bill was now alone and scared. The others were fighting and he was afraid. To him, knowing that another person could get hurt if he shot them caused more pain then not getting revenge with CITZEN. It is the act of war that all people hate, but nobody understands the emotion of war that causes the hurt and pain. This was Bill's dilemma, and he could not face it because he knew if he did he, would become that which he hated most. Instead, he ran as fast as he could. He didn't realize until he finally stopped to catch his breath that he had somehow made it to the main computer room.
'This is it,' he thought. 'All I have to do is turn this off and everything will return to normal.'
“Are you for sure that you want to do that?” A strange woman had emerged from the shadows. As she came closer, Bill saw that she was the girl that he had first turned into when he meet Sarah on the streets.
“Who are you?” Bill asked.
“I am you and you are me,” the woman replied.
“I don't understand at all how you could be me when I am me. How could there be two of us at the same time?” Bill asked.
“I think if you look through that window you will understand more of what is happening,” the woman told Bill. When Bill walked over to the window he saw another girl. The girl was laying on a hospital bed, and next to her was Cindy.
“How can Cindy be there with that girl when she's at the base with Chrissy, and who is that girl?” Bill asked.
“That girl is you,” the woman replied.
“That girl can not be me because I am me!“ Bill screamed.
“Yes, it is true that you are you, but so am I, and so is she. You are the subconscious of that young girl down there. Do you remember when you woke up as a girl by the name of Christina?” The woman said back.
“Yes. That was all part of CITZEN's attempt at brainwashing me,” Bill replied.
“Wrong. It had nothing to do with CITZEN. You woke up from a coma and came back to the true you. That girl down there is the true you,” replied the woman.
“But then why was I a man? Why do I have all the memories of Bill Edwards being a husband to Cindy and a father to Chrissy?” Bill asked.
“Because there really is a Cindy and Bill Edwards. Bill Edwards is your father that you were upset with for not being there at all of your childhood performances. His job kept him busy and you felt hurt by his not being there, so you took that pain and created the imagine of Bill Edwards as yourself. Cindy is your mother who cares for you deeply. She's been sitting by your bed every day since you've been in the hospital. That is why you kept her inside your dream world. Chrissy is you. Why do you think Chrissy and Christina sound so much alike? That is the name everyone called you when you were a little girl,” the woman explained.
“It just doesn't make sense. Who are Sarah, Mr. Williams, Reno, and Dan?” Bill asked.
“Sarah is the side of you that was hurt by everyone. You believed that everyone was making fun of you behind your back because your dad didn't love you. That is why she was trapped in a cage. She is that part of you that feels trapped. That is also where Mr. Williams comes into play. He was the part of you that wanted to free that trapped soul. When he became Sarah that was you starting to understand those emotional blockages. As far as Reno and Dan, well, every little girl needs her knight in shining armor. Therefore you created them in order to protect you.” The woman paused.
”Now that you know who and what this place is, the question is what do you do from here?”
“I honestly don't know. You're basically telling me that my whole world is only a dream, and in my real life I'm suffering from a coma. What am I suppose to do? Just accept fate as it as and hope and pray I wake up on my own from this hellish nightmare that I've trapped myself in?” Bill said.
“I believe you get the point, but the question and reality is yours. You have only one option, and that is to walk away. Until you wake up from your coma, you are stuck here.”
”What you're saying is that this is all a dream. In a dream I have full control over everything. Plus since I know this is a dream, I could wake up whenever I want to. Now tell me the truth! Why do you want to stop me from shutting down CITZEN?” Bill asked.
The woman looked nervous. She had said too much, and given Bill to much control over his own destiny. She was afraid that everything was going to be over. Bill inched closer and closer to the shut-down button. Parts of him feared what might happen, but he had to know. Was this all a dream, or was it really another lie? Just as he was about to press the button, Reno, Mr. Williams, and Dan showed up.
“I can not let you do that,” Mr. Williams said.
“But I thought the whole point of coming here was to stop CITZEN?” Bill asked.
“It was, but if you press that button then the whole world that we live in will come to a end. My life and yours will change forever,” Mr. Williams explained.
“She explained the truth to me already,” Bill said pointing to the woman.
“Then you know we are all parts of you. How can you simply kill us off?” Mr. Williams asked.
“Because that over there is the true us. It's time that we return as a whole,” Bill said. “Why are you fighting me on this?”
“I'm afraid. If we go back then we'll have to suffer at the hands of others. The world out there is cruel. I'd rather be in here then back out there where others can hurt me,” Mr. Williams responded.
“But we can be hurt in here just as well. Please, I think it's time to end this. We have to rejoin as a whole or otherwise we might never see the real world again,” Bill said.
“I'm scared though. I don't want to return,” Mr. WIliams replied.
“Then overcome your fears and press it with me. Together we will work at making a better life for ourself,” Bill said, grabbing Mr. Williams hand. The two pushed the button and with it, their whole world stopped all together.
Hospital Room
“Mom, is that you? I just had the strangest dream,” Christina said. She had just woken up and was looking at her mother, who was half asleep on the bed.
“You're finally awake! My baby is finally awake!” Cindy screamed. Cindy's screaming brought the attention of all the nurses.
“Is everything alright in here?” the first nurse to arrive asked. She was shocked to discover that one of their coma patients was awake.
“It can't be! You're the woman who was in my dream!” Christina screamed.
The nurse went over and took Christina's blood pressure. She also took her temperature to make sure there wasn't a fever.
”It's widely thought that people in comas may be able to hear what's going on in the outside world. Sounds like it was true in this case."
“So what happens now?” Christina asked.
“I can't tell you what happens from this point on. It's your life and your choice. People may hurt you, some might even make you angry, and others might make you feel the joy that the world has to offer. This is your world now. Live it like you would live any other day of your life." The nurse said.
Christina was herself and she was free from the nightmare which she had been in. This was her true self and her true reality. The greatest gft of all was the fact that her memories had come back to her. She would live it like every other day of her life and treasure the blessings that God gave her.