CHAPTER 1
It was a beautiful day in Sunnydale, California. Dawn Summers was out with her best friend Janice, her mother, and Janice’s little sister Kara, just enjoying themselves. But all of a sudden…
Janice’s Mother: Uh-oh. (sniffs, to Janice) Do you smell what I smell, honey?
Janice: Oh, yeah. Definitely. (sighs) Kara definitely needs changing.
Janice’s Mother: I thought so. She always gets that look every time she needs a change.
Dawn looks a little uncomfortable during the diaper-changing conversation.
Janice: I can change her, Mom.
Janice’s Mother: You’re sure?
Janice: Yeah, no problem.
She begins taking Kara over to a table and, after laying a towel on it, lays her down on it, beginning to undo her clothes.
Dawn walks over to Janice, as she continues to change Kara’s diaper.
Dawn: Um…Janice?
Janice (smiling at Kara): Yep?
Dawn: I can change her if you want.
Janice stops changing her sister and looks at Dawn, but still keeping a hand on Kara’s stomach.
Janice: You’re sure? She’s not very comfortable around other people.
Dawn: I can calm her down, no problem. I’ve babysat many times.
Janice (worried): She can be a squirmer…
Dawn (scoffs): I’ve dealt with my share of squirming kids during my babysitting jobs.
Janice (smiles): Okay, Dawn. Go for it.
Janice kisses her sister on the forehead, then walks away.
Dawn immediately steps up to Kara and, after looking back and forth, seeing that they’re totally alone, looks back at Janice’s little sister, and continues changing her diaper where Janice left off.
As she changes her:
Dawn: You know what, kiddo? I want to tell you a secret. (smiles) I’d love to be a little kid again. No worries…nobody to push you around. I’d love to just relive it. If only for a little while, y’know?
She finishes changing her diaper and picks her up, holding her in her arms.
Dawn: I just think that’d be really cool.
She sets her back on the picnic table.
Dawn (smiles): Really interesting.
Voice from behind her: That can be arranged!
Dawn spins around to see a demon with considerably large horns, thick, blue, pale skin, and a wand in his hand.
Demon: You will know what it feels like, Slayer!
Dawn (confused): “Slayer”? Wait! I’m not the--
The demon zaps Dawn with a wand.
Dawn: Wait! No!
Her voice suddenly gets higher and she begins to shrink.
Dawn: No!!!
She begins to shrink even more.
Dawn (crying): No!!
She shrinks down so small, that her clothes she was wearing is covering her.
Meanwhile…
Janice’s Mother: Shouldn’t Dawn have been done by now, honey?
Janice: Oh, you know Kara. She likes to fight.
Janice’s Mother: Still…I think we should check on her.
Janice and Janice’s mother go over to where Dawn and Kara were.
Dawn continues to wail.
Janice (wondering): Do you hear that?
Janice’s Mother (confused): Yes, I do…
Janice looks down at the pile of clothes.
Janice (gasps) (shocked): Oh my God!
She kneels down and picks up the now toddler Dawn.
Janice’s Mother (mystified): Is that…
Janice: I think so…
Janice’s Mother: We should get her back to your friend Buffy’s house.
Janice: Wait, Mom! She’s totally naked!
Janice’s Mother: We don’t have any extra clothes, honey.
Janice: Well, we gotta give her a diaper, at least!
Janice’s mother begins looking through the diaper bag.
Janice’s Mother (sighs in exasperation): We’re completely out of diapers.
Janice: Oh, man!
Janice’s Mother: We have to get her to Buffy’s!
Janice and her mother pack up everything, and, wrapping Dawn in a blanket, rush to Buffy’s house.
Meanwhile, at the nerd’s lair…
Jonathon: What the Hell was that?! The frickin’ demon just totally screwed everything up!
Andrew: It wasn’t my idea to get that demon to go by blood!
Jonathon: Well, if you hadn’t--
Andrew: If I hadn’t what?!
Jonathon: If you hadn’t--
Warren: Both of you shut up!
He sighs and begins pacing the floor.
Warren: Maybe this is gonna be better than we thought.
Andrew: What do you mean?! The demon got the Slayer’s sister! Not the Slayer!
Warren: Easy, Andrew. We’ll get the Slayer…one way or another. (evilly) I swear it!
The three cackle with laughter.
(Black Screen; Roll Opening Credits)
SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR as Buffy Summers
NICHOLAS BRENDON as Xander Harris
ALYSON HANNIGAN as Willow Rosenberg
JAMES MARSTERS as Spike
ANTHONY STEWART HEAD as Rupert Giles
EMMA CAULFIELD as Anya
MICHELLE TRACTENBERG as Dawn Summers (Chapter 1 only)
CHAPTER 2
Buffy is having a relaxing evening at home when she’s interrupted with a pounding, yet insistent knock on the door.
As she gets up:
Buffy (groans): What now??
The pounding knock continues as Buffy makes her way to the door.
She opens the door to find Janice, her mother, her sister, and another baby (Dawn) wrapped in a blanket.
Buffy: Hi. Um...is there something you wanted?
Janice: Buffy, it’s me, Janice.
Buffy: Oh, Janice! (confused) Dawn’s friend Janice?
Janice (insistent): Yes, yes!
Buffy: Oh...Dawn didn’t tell me that you looked so mature.
Janice: A lot of people make that mistake, but we’ve got a real problem here.
Buffy (worried): What is it? (more worried) Where’s Dawn?
Janice: That’s the problem!
Janice rushes inside, holding Dawn in the blanket, with her mother following.
As Janice sets Dawn on the floor, she looks at Buffy.
Janice: Dawn’s the baby.
Buffy (confused): What?!
Janice: Yeah, she...she was changing my little sister, and...and then...
Buffy (worried): Then what?
Janice: I don’t know what happened! We came back and...and all of Dawn’s clothes had been shrunk and the next thing we knew there was a baby lying there.
Buffy: Oh my God...
Janice: We knew you were her sister, so we brought her straight here.
Buffy: Well, you did the right thing, Janice. I’m proud of you.
Janice (a little confused): Thanks. Um...is it safe to go? We’ve gotta get my sister home.
Buffy: No problem; I can take care of this. Thanks again for bringing her back.
Janice: No problem.
As Buffy shows them out:
Buffy: As I said, don’t worry. I’ll take care of this.
She closes the door and leans against it.
Buffy: At least I hope I can.
Dawn begins to cry.
Buffy walks over to Dawn and kneels down to her and picks her up.
Buffy: Oh, Dawnie...what’s wrong?
Almost as if Dawn has no control whatsoever, she begins to urinate on Buffy.
Buffy (alarmed): Oh my God!
She sets her onto the blanket so she can finish.
Buffy: You owe me for that shirt when we fix this, Dawnie. You hear me??
Dawn coos and babbles on the blanket.
Buffy (sighs worriedly): I gotta call the gang.
She goes to the kitchen, then walks back out into the living room with the cordless phone to her ear.
She dials the dorm where Willow and Tara were staying.
Buffy: Hey, Willow. It’s me, Buffy. Listen...I need you over here as soon as possible. Who else is there with you? (listens) Tara? Great. Come to my house as soon as you can. (listens) Okay, see you then.
She hangs up.
She calls Xander’s house, but gets the answering machine.
Xander: Hey, it’s the Xand-Man. I’m not here so leave a message.
Buffy: Hey, Xander. It’s Buffy. (sighs) I’ve got a *big* problem. Can you get Anya and come over here as soon as you--(yelling at Dawn) No, Dawn! No!
We see her trying to put a cord from a lamp into her mouth.
Buffy runs over to her and takes the cord from her.
Buffy: Bad Dawn!
Dawn begins to cry.
Buffy picks her up and carries her back over to the blanket.
Buffy: Stay there! (into the phone) Sorry, Xander. As I said, I’ve got a big problem. When you get this message, come by the house as soon as possible.
She hangs up.
Buffy (sighs): Don’t worry, Dawnie...we’ll reverse this. I promise.
She sniffs.
Buffy (disgusted): Ew.
She walks over to Dawn and picks her up, holding her underneath her armpits.
She takes Dawn into the kitchen where she begins washing her bottom with the water nozzle that’s attached to the sink.
Dawn giggles happily.
Buffy smiles at Dawn.
Buffy: There’s one thing about you as a baby I like, Dawnie...you’re so cute.
After washing and drying Dawn, she sets her on the floor in the living room.
She inhales to prepare herself to pick up Dawn’s “little offering”.
Buffy (inhales then exhales): Okay...
She folds the blanket up and picks it up with two fingers holding it closed, then, walking into the kitchen, drops it into the trash container.
Buffy (disgusted): Janice isn’t getting that back.
She walks back into the living room to find Dawn urinating once again, but this time on the sofa.
Buffy: No, Dawnie!
She runs over to her and picks her up, but Dawn wasn’t finished and urinates on Buffy’s shirt once again.
Buffy (sighs in exasperation): Where are you guys??
CHAPTER 3
As Buffy is holding Dawn, she hears knocking on the door.
Buffy is torn between putting Dawn down and going to answer, or going to answer the door with Dawn in her arms.
Buffy (thinking): Well, they’ll see her eventually. Might as well surprise them with it.
She sets Dawn on the floor, allowing her to crawl around.
She goes to answer the door, giving herself a moment to gather her composure.
Buffy: Well...no time like the present.
She opens the door to see Willow and Tara standing on the other side.
Willow (worried): Buffy, we got your message; what’s the emergency?
As Buffy turns around and points to Dawn:
Buffy: That.
Willow (grinning): She’s so cute!
Tara: She’s adorable, Buffy. Are you babysitting?
Buffy: Um...kind of.
Willow (confused): What do you mean?
Buffy (exhales): I’m not explaining until everyone else gets here.
She goes over and picks up Dawn, wrapping her in a shirt.
She takes her over to the couch and sits down with Dawn on her lap.
Buffy: I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m no good with babies. I mean, you guys saw me with that egg. I didn’t know what the Hell to do with it.
Voice from the doorway: You did better than me, Buff. I hard-boiled mine.
Buffy looks and sees Xander and Anya in the doorway.
Buffy: Hey, Xander. Anya.
Anya: What’s going on here? Xander got a message on his machine that you had a problem.
Buffy: Yes, Anya; I do.
Anya (not caring): Well, it’s not my problem. (to Xander, impatient) Can I go?
Xander (calm): Honey, no. Remember what I told you?
Anya: It’s Buffy’s problem, therefore it’s our problem.
Xander: That’s right. (to Buffy) Now what’s going on?
Buffy: Okay. Now...you guys probably aren’t gonna believe this...
Xander: Buff, this is Sunnydale. We’ve battled giant snakes, flesh-eating zombies, Chumash Indians, The Initiative, and a Hell God. We can believe anything.
Buffy: Okay.
She exhales.
Buffy: See that child over there?
Willow: Uh-huh.
Tara: Yep.
Xander: Of course.
Anya: Yeah?
Buffy sighs.
Buffy: That’s Dawn.
Tara: Oh my God...
Willow (worried): Dawnie...
Xander: Wow...
Anya (scoffs): I don’t believe it.
Buffy: I didn’t either, Anya, but trust me. It’s her.
Xander: How do you know, Buffy? Did you take her blood?
Buffy (snapping): I don’t know how I know! I...(softly) just know. She’s my sister. I want to keep her safe.
Willow: We’ll do anything, Buffy. Anything you need.
Buffy: Can you guys run out and get some supplies for her?
Willow: No problem. What do we need?
Tara: We’ll need diapers, wipes, powder, a changing mat, a diaper bag, and definitely some clothes.
Buffy: Well, let’s start with the basics. Will, Tara; you guys get the diapers and stuff. Xand, Anya; you guys get the clothes.
Willow: Got it.
Xander: No problem, Buffster.
The four of them leave.
Buffy closes the door and goes over to Dawn, holding her in her arms gently.
Buffy: Don’t worry, Dawnie...we’re gonna get this fixed, I promise.
Dawn begins to cry.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): Buffy, help me...please...
Fade out on little Dawn’s face.
Fade in:
BUFFY’S HOUSE - LATER
The door opens and the Scooby Gang trudges in with the supplies.
Willow: We got everything.
Tara: Yeah; diapers, wipes, changing mat, baby powder.
Xander: And we got the clothes, Buff.
Anya: I don’t see the point of getting clothes anyway. She can’t dress herself.
Buffy: Anya, we have to do it for her.
Anya: Well, that’s stupid! She should know how to put on her own clothes.
Buffy (annoyed): Anya, I don’t have time to deal with this right now.
She sighs and looks at the group.
Buffy: Okay. Which of you wants to do the honors?
Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya: Not it!
Buffy (grumbling): Fine.
She takes a package of diapers from Tara and starts to go over to Dawn, but stops a second and turns back to Anya.
Buffy: Wait a second. Anya...how’d you know about “Not It”?
Anya: We played that game when I was a demon.
Buffy (thinking): Great.
She walks over to Dawn, lifting her up from the couch and taking her over to the living room floor.
As she starts to lay Dawn down on the floor:
Buffy: Tara, can you get me the changing mat?
Tara: Sure, Buffy.
She comes over and slides the changing mat underneath Dawn.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): Wait a second...what’s she doing?
Buffy: Now, I know you’re not gonna like this, Dawnie, but because of the accidents you’ve been having, we...(sighs) we’re going to have to put you in diapers.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): No!
Dawn begins to cry and squirm away.
Buffy (calming): Yes, Dawnie...it’ll be okay...(to Willow and Tara) Guys, can you...?
Willow and Tara come to Dawn’s side and begin cooing and babbling at her, trying to distract her.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): Real cute, guys. But I’m still 15; it’s not gonna work.
Dawn continues to squirm and cry.
Buffy (sighs in exasperation): This isn’t working.
Tara: What’re we gonna do?
Willow: I know a way I could make her stay still.
Buffy: How, Will?
Willow tickles Dawn’s stomach and Dawn begins to giggle, slowing losing the diapering fight.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): Okay, you win. I may be 15, but you do know where I’m ticklish.
Willow: Now, Buffy. Put the diaper on her.
Tara: Wait. We need to wipe and powder her first.
Buffy: Oh, you’re right. She had an accident earlier; I don’t wanna chance it.
Buffy takes the baby wipes from Tara and wipes Dawn’s bottom to clean her up fully from her accident earlier.
Tara: Now we powder her.
Buffy takes the powder and powders Dawn’s bottom.
Willow: Now the clean diaper.
Buffy brings the diaper through Dawn’s legs and tapes it closed.
Buffy (brightly): All done!
Dawn cries.
Buffy picks her up and holds her.
Buffy: Aww, Dawnie...you’ll be fine. Don’t worry. We’re gonna reverse this; I promise. Um, Tara?
Tara: Yeah?
Buffy: Can you give me something to put her in?
Tara: No problem.
She uses her magic to materialize a playpen.
Buffy: Thanks, Tara.
She takes Dawn over to the playpen and sits her down into it.
Buffy: We need more stuff. A car seat, changing table...
Xander: Easy, Buffy...we don’t know how long this thing’s gonna last.
Buffy: I know, but I’d like to be safe if it does last longer than we thought.
Tara: What do you need?
Buffy: Well, first a car seat.
Tara materializes a car seat at Buffy’s feet.
Buffy: Can you hook it up to the car, Tara?
Tara: No problem.
She picks up the car seat and walks outside, fixing it in with the backseat.
She walks back in.
Tara: Got it. It’s all set.
Buffy: Great, thanks. I really appreciate all you guys have done, thank you.
Xander (wondering): Um, Buffy? I was curious.
Buffy: What is it, Xander?
Xander: We poofed the car seat and playpen, but we had to buy all this stuff?
Buffy: I knew you guys could spare the cash, and I didn’t think you’d mind helping me.
Xander (smiles and nods): Yeah, it’s no problem, Buff.
Willow: Hey, if there’s a problem, we’re there in a jiff.
Buffy: I know and, thanks again.
Anya (disgusted): Xander, I can’t take the smell; I have to get out of here.
She rushes to the front door, opens it, and begins running down the street.
Xander sticks his head out of the door.
Xander: Anya...
Buffy: Anya, it’s just baby powder!
Anya (yelling from down the street): I’ll meet you back at home!
Xander sighs and closes the door.
Xander: Well, swing and a miss. Now what, Buffy?
Buffy: Now Dawnie and I gotta go shopping.
She holds up the clothes that Xander picked.
Buffy: For some NEW clothes.
Xander (confused): What’s wrong with the clothes we picked?
Buffy (calmly): Xander...these are (yelling) TOO BIG!!
Xander: How was I supposed to know what size to get?! I’ve never had to look after kids before!
Willow: Yeah, Buffy; c’mon...take it easy...we’re all new to this.
Buffy (sighs deeply): You’re right, Xander. I’m sorry.
Xander (smiling): No big.
Buffy sighs.
Willow: Buffy, what’re you gonna do about Dawn?
Buffy looks at Dawn, who is sitting in the playpen.
Buffy: I’m taking her with me.
Almost as if she has super-hearing, Dawn begins to cry.
As Buffy walks over to Dawn, lifting her out of the playpen and holding her:
Buffy (talking over Dawn): I need to get her some clothes that fit her sex.
Willow: Want us to hold down the fort?
Buffy: Sure, thanks.
She walks out to the Jeep and begins to put Dawn into the car seat.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): No! I can’t be seen outside like this! No!
Dawn begins to kick and cry and whimper as Buffy begins to get Dawn fixed into the car seat.
Buffy: Dawnie! Hold still!
Dawn continues to kick and cry.
Buffy finally secures the strap.
Buffy (self-satisfying): There. Got it.
Dawn continues to wail.
Buffy sticks a pacifier in Dawn’s mouth.
Buffy: Shush.
She goes to the front seat, and starts the car.
Buffy: We’re gonna go get you a new outfit, Dawnie. Something that suits your age. (happily) Off to the Sunnydale Mall we go!
Dawn lets out a wail as the Jeep goes down the street.
CHAPTER 4
INT. SUNNYDALE MALL
Buffy begins walking through the mall with Dawn, who is strapped into a stroller that Buffy had obtained by the front of the mall (some malls have strollers for parents who don’t have them).
She’s trying to keep her cool, but finds that task difficult because Dawn keeps kicking and struggling against the straps in the stroller.
Buffy (losing her cool): Dawn, I’m warning you...stop this right now!
Teenage Dawn (thinking): That’s easy for you to say, Buffy. You don’t have to deal with a wet diaper.
Buffy wheels Dawn into the baby store with Dawn continuing to kick and struggle against the straps.
A cute salesgirl, about 18, comes up to Buffy.
She’s got brown hair and brown eyes (she sort of looks like Alexis Bledel from “Gilmore Girls”)
Salesgirl: Hi, there; is there something I could help you find today?
Buffy: Yes, I’m trying to find clothes for my little sister here. Do you have anything that would fit a 2-year-old?
Salesgirl: Actually we do.
The salesgirl leads Buffy, who is pushing Dawn as well, over to a rack with several cute dresses and pants.
Salesgirl: The pants are good because they’ve got snaps along the legs if you ever need to change her diaper in a hurry.
Buffy: Well, we’ll take some of those dresses and a pair of those pants.
Buffy takes a dress down from the rack and shows it to Dawn.
It’s a very ugly green color and it’s got blue polka dots.
Buffy (cooing): What’d’ya think, Dawnie? Ya like this one?
Dawn wails.
Salesgirl (smiling): She’s very fussy about clothes, isn’t she?
Buffy: No, it’s not the clothes. It’s almost her naptime and we’ve just been walking around for hours.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): Liar.
Dawn continues wailing loudly.
People begin to stare at Buffy, as she slowly begins to get embarrassed.
Salesgirl: Well, if you like those clothes, we’ve got a lot more on the way. Would you like to be informed of when they arrive?
Buffy: Sure.
Salesgirl: Okay, then. Just follow me and we’ll ring this up.
Buffy: Great.
Buffy takes a few more dresses; pink with blue trim; orange with green spots; and a red pantsuit with blue stripes down the sides.
Dawn continues to cry as Buffy wheels her to the counter.
After paying for their purchases, Buffy wheels Dawn out of the store and takes her over to a bench.
She parks the stroller there and sits down.
She unbuckles the stroller and picks up Dawn.
Buffy (annoyed): That’s enough, Dawn. You embarrassed me in that store, now...you’re gonna pay the price.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): Oh, no...Buffy...please, not that...
Buffy puts Dawn over her knee and begins spanking her as Dawn begins to wail loudly.
Teenage Dawn (thinking/crying): Ow! Stop it!! Buffy, stop it!!!
As Buffy is spanking Dawn, she doesn’t, nor does Dawn, hear that Dawn has soiled her diaper.
Buffy (thinking): Great. Nice work, Buffy.
Buffy puts Dawn back into her stroller and straps her in.
Buffy begins to wheel the stroller to the changing room.
Dawn looks up at the symbol on the door, a mother changing her baby, and gets a frightened look on her face.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): Take it easy...she’s probably just gonna dress me.
Buffy wheels Dawn into the changing room and, after unbuckling Dawn from the stroller, picks her up and lays her on the changing table.
Buffy looks at the clothes she bought, then looks back at Dawn.
Buffy (thinking): Well, as long as I’m here...might as well kill two birds with one stone.
Teenage Dawn (thinking, happy): Thank God...I can finally get some clothes!
Buffy: Now hold still, Dawnie. I’d hate to have to spank you twice in the last half-hour.
Buffy rips a diaper tab from Dawn’s dirty diaper.
Dawn gets a look of fear on her face, looking up at Buffy.
Dawn (thinking): No! I can’t have! I couldn’t have...I’m not a baby! No!
Dawn begins to squirm on the table.
Buffy: Dawn, hold still!
Buffy places a hand on Dawn’s stomach as she continues changing her diaper.
Dawn continues squirming around.
Buffy (sighs): Fine, Dawn. I was trying to show you some compassion, but you wanna make this hard for me? Fine, you’re only making it harder on yourself.
She fastens the safety strap around Dawn’s waist, causing her to scream and cry, as she continues to squirm around on the table.
Also, to be safe and to not draw attention to Dawn as well as her, she places a pacifier in Dawn’s mouth to quiet her down.
Buffy (sighs): Dawnie, it’s okay. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to yell...just calm down...we’ll get this done quick, don’t worry.
Dawn continues to cry, but her squirming has lessened.
Buffy: Dawnie, please...it’ll be over really soon, I promise you.
TIGHT SHOT:
DAWN’S FACE
FLASHBACK:
13 YEARS AGO - SUMMERS HOUSE - NURSERY
Joyce: Dawnie, hold still! I promise you, this will be over very soon. We’ll get this done as quick as possible, trust me.
FLASH FORWARD:
PRESENT DAY - SAME LOCATION AS BEFORE
Dawn continues to wail and cry.
Teenage Dawn (thinking, sniffling): Mommy...
Dawn continues to wail as Buffy changes her.
A girl walks into the bathroom and looks at Buffy and Dawn.
Girl (thinking): Probably just some crazed mom who can’t keep their kid under control.
She goes to the toilet.
Buffy continues changing Dawn as the girl does her business.
The girl finishes and steps out of the bathroom, going to the sink to wash up.
Once she finishes, she heads toward the door.
Buffy (off-screen): Dawn, that’s enough! Hold still right now!
She slaps Dawn’s thigh, causing Dawn to cry loudly, even through the pacifier.
The girl walks up to her, not facing her.
Girl: Okay, that’s enough! I had no problem when you were changing your kid, and the kid was givin’ you crap, but I really gotta problem with you hittin’ her! Where do you get off, lady?! Huh?!
Buffy turns around to face her.
Girl (surprised): Oh my God.
Buffy (after a beat, sighs): Hello, Faith.
CHAPTER 5
Buffy sighs and turns back to Dawn, continuing the diaper change.
As she changes Dawn, not looking at Faith:
Buffy (less than happy): Nice to see you.
Faith (sarcastically hurt): What, no hug? I’ve been in prison for a year, B. You could at least gimme some respect when looking at me.
Buffy finishes changing Dawn, then dresses her, picking her up and turning to Faith.
Buffy (angry): “Respect”? You--you wanna talk about respect? Okay, how about the time you tried to steal Angel from me? How about the time you poisoned him? How about the time you came back, stole my body, and had sex with my boyfriend? You weren’t respecting me, Faith, so why in the heck should I respect you?
Faith (calm): Just hear me out, Buffy. Please?
Buffy (sighs): Fine. (sarcastic) Lemme guess: you broke out of jail by paying a prison guard with two cartons of cigarettes for a one-night-stand and took the keys?
Faith (hurt): No. I got pardoned for good behavior.
Buffy (scoffs): Please, Faith. This is you we’re talking about. “Good” and “Behavior” never come into the same sentence with you.
Faith: C’mon, Buffy...cut me some slack here. I’ve been in jail...I’m reformed...c’mon, I confessed to the crime!
Buffy (doesn’t wanna hear it): Oh, don’t start this again...
Faith: I did! (sighs, gently): Look, Buffy...you may not believe this, but I’m a good person now. Can’t you just give me another shot?
After a long beat...
Buffy: Fine.
Faith (changing the subject): So who’s this little squirt? You babysittin’?
Buffy (swallows): Something like that.
Faith (concerned): What’s goin’ on?
Buffy (sighs): Come with me. I’ll explain on the way.
As Buffy, Faith, and Dawn walk out of the changing room:
Faith: Where we goin’?
Buffy: To see a friend.
CHAPTER 6
Buffy fixes her gaze on Angel for a second, shocked at the disrespect that she has just been given by her former Watcher.
Buffy (annoyed): Him??? Him???
Angel (idly): Nice to know you didn’t forget my name.
Buffy: Angel, what in the Hell do you think you’re doing here?!
Angel (innocently): I came to see what I could offer for the situation.
Buffy (can’t believe it): Oh, really? And who told you this?
Angel: Willow told me. She called me after you took Dawn shopping.
Buffy (exasperated) (sighs): I can’t believe it.
Faith: Don’t blame her, B. He needed to know.
Buffy: Why?! Why, so he can go and tell all of his friends back in L.A.?! How about Cordelia? Hell, why don’t you just go tell Wesley and he can tell the whole Watcher’s Council?! Why didn’t all of them show up?!
Angel: Cordelia wasn’t feeling well, and Wesley was working on a case for me.
Buffy: Excuses, excuses! You always have an excuse for everything, don’t you, Angel? Beating up Riley...leaving me...killing Ms. Calendar.
Angel: I’ve told you. That wasn’t me. That was Angelus. You know that...
Buffy (angry): As far as I’m concerned, as of right now...you and him are one in the same.
Angel (calm): Take it easy, Buffy...
Buffy (snaps): No!
After a second:
Buffy (sniffles, starting to cry): I will NOT take it easy...Giles...my baby sister has been turned into my BABY sister...I--I--I’m no good with babies, Giles. If you don’t find a cure for this spell...she’s...
Giles: It’s all right, Buffy. We will find a cure, I promise you. Now, please...hand me Dawn.
Buffy tenderly hands Dawn over to Giles.
Giles lays Dawn on the table.
Dawn cries at the cold table touching her back.
Giles (calming): It’s okay, Dawn. It’s all right...
Giles lifts up her shirt.
Giles (noticing): There! You see, Buffy? Do you see that symbol on her chest?
Buffy walks over to Dawn and Giles.
She focuses her eyes on Dawn’s shirt, seeing a small cross embedded with a moon.
Buffy (confused): Yeah...what is that? I--I just thought it was a birthmark or something...
Giles: It is the mark of the demon.
Buffy: What demon is it?
Angel (low voice): Why don’t you get your boyfriend to come and find out?
Buffy turns to Angel.
Buffy (angry): For your information, that boyfriend you mention happened to have left! It probably had something to do with your little macho pissing contest when you showed up!
Angel: Buffy, I told you...I only came to apologize.
Buffy: Then why didn’t you just do that? Why did you have to attack him?
Angel: We went through this already, Buffy; he attacked me first.
Buffy (scoffs): What are you, in third grade?
Dawn begins to wail, still on the table.
Faith walks over to Dawn and Giles, picking her up, holding her gently in her arms.
Faith (calmly, quietly): Can you guys keep it down? You’re scaring her...
Dawn continues to cry, but they have lowered to a whimper.
Faith takes her out of the Magic Box and continues holding her, and rocking her.
Faith (calmly): It’s okay, Dawnie. I can understand how you feel. Hearin’ those two argue sometimes makes me wanna jam a stake through Lover Boy’s heart. (smiles) You’re lucky your mom was there to hide you from all that. That was one ugly battle, kid. You probably wanna know about what was goin’ on, don’t ya?
Dawn gurgles a little.
Faith (grins): I’ll take that as a yes. Okay, here we go. Buffy loved Angel; Angel loved Buffy; Angel and Buffy had sex; Angel lost his soul, killed her friends. Angel realized they couldn’t be together, dumped her the night of the Prom; Buffy was heartbroken; Angel left for Los Angeles on Graduation Day. Does that clear it up, Dawnie?
Faith touches Dawn’s nose and Dawn giggles in delight.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): Oh, no...what’s happening to me?
Her voice inside her head is strangely high-pitched.
Teenage Dawn (thinking): My voice inside my head...it’s higher...oh no! I’m getting younger in my head, too!
We see a pair of black shoes from the ground, beginning to walk up to Faith and Dawn.
Voice: Well, I never thought I’d believe it; Little Faith…the Rogue Slayer…finally settled down and got herself a little one of her own there, eh?
Faith looks at the figure.
Faith (annoyed): What do you want, Spike?
CHAPTER 7
Faith (still annoyed): I said...what do you want?
Spike: Take it easy, love. Is that any way to greet someone who’s just passin’ through?
Faith: You’re not passin’ through, and I am NOT your “love”. Now talk fast or get a “steak” for dinner.
Spike (sighs, calmly): I heard that Niblet’s been turned into a more bite-size version of what she was, so I wanted to help.
Faith (disbelieving): Right, just out of the goodness of your heart? Cut the crap, Spike; we both know you got a thing for Buffy, so don’t even TRY to deny it.
Spike (realizes he’s been found out): Well, yeah, but also for the Little Bit here. I thought that if I killed the demon...
Faith (finishing his sentence): ...Buffy might give ya a second look?
Spike nods solemnly.
As she walks outside:
Buffy: Get real, Spike. You disgust me. No matter what you do...how you act...you’re not fooling anyone. And besides, killing the demon doesn’t break the spell. The only thing that does is...
Spike: Destroying the wand.
Buffy (in shock): How did you know that?
Spike (playing dumb): It wouldn’t be...
Spike holds up the wand.
Spike (playing dumb): THIS wand...would it?
Buffy: Break it.
Spike (pretending to be offended): I don’t want to.
Buffy (can’t believe it): What?!
Spike: No, I don’t like the way you’re treatin’ me.
Buffy has had enough and grabs Spike’s jacket threateningly.
Buffy: You listen to me, WILLIAM...Dawn is the only sister I’ve got, and if you don’t break that wand right now, I’ll break your face with my FIST!
Faith: Why don’t you just take it from him, B?
She snatches the wand from Spike and tosses it down the street.
We hear a crash, signaling that it has been smashed.
Faith (smiles): See? Not so hard.
She sets Dawn on the ground, who coos and babbles as she crawls around.
Buffy (worried): Well...? What’s going on? Shouldn’t she be getting older or something?
Spike: Maybe it’s like one of those 24-hour deals.
Buffy (irritated): Did I ASK for your advice?
Spike (dejected): Fine. Well, I’m off then. Ciao, Slayer.
He starts to walk away, but stops.
He kneels down to Dawn and picks her up.
Spike: I’ll see you later, Little Bit.
He kisses her forehead.
Dawn: P...P...Pike!
Spike smiles and looks at Buffy.
Spike: I guess we know who a contender for her father could be.
He hands her back to Buffy.
Spike: Here, Little Bit. Go back to your sissy.
Buffy (offended): Hey!
Spike (exasperated sigh): It means “sister”, you git.
He walks off.
Buffy (calling after him): Hey, Spike!
He stops and turns to face her.
Buffy (sincerely): Thanks.
Spike: No problem, Bit.
He walks off into the night.
Buffy (sighs deeply): Okay...what’re we gonna do now?
Faith: We gotta get her back to the house. If we’re gonna have even Littler Miss Muffet in the house, we need to get her somewhere where she can be protected.
Buffy: Right. (sighs) Right. Let’s go.
The three get into the Jeep and drive back to Buffy’s house.
CUT TO:
INT. SUMMERS HOME - LATER
Buffy, Faith, and Dawn arrive inside.
Buffy (surprised): What’re you doing here?
We see Janice sitting on the couch.
Janice (apologetic): Don’t be mad...please. Willow let me in. I...I just...
Buffy: What?
Janice: Well, I was wondering...
Buffy: Look, if it’s about your blanket, Dawnie kinda...made it her own.
Janice: It’s not about that, and she can keep it.
Buffy (thinking): Good, ‘cause you wouldn’t want it back anyway. (speaks) Okay, so what IS it about?
Janice: I was just thinking...since...well, since Dawn’s kinda...younger now...and you probably have stuff to take care of...I was thinking...maybe I could...be...
Buffy (calmly): Janice?
Janice: Yeah?
Buffy: Are you saying you’d like to be Dawn’s nanny?
Janice: Well, not so much “nanny” as...”babysitter”.
Buffy (smiles): I think we can find a spot for you.
Janice (grinning): This is great! Thank you so much!
She walks up to Buffy and takes Dawn from her, holding her in the crook of her arm.
Janice (cooing): You hear that, Dawnie? I’m gonna be your new babysitter!
Dawn wails.
Buffy sniffs the air.
Buffy (cooing): Uh-oh...(smiles) Smells like someone left you a special present, Janice.
Janice (smiles, cooing to Dawn): Then let’s go get it all cleaned up. C’mon, Dawnie...it’s time for a diaper change!
Dawn wails as Janice walks down the hallway, bouncing her in her arms.
CHAPTER 8
Dawn continues to cry as Janice takes her into Buffy’s room.
Dawn (confused, thinking): What?? What’s going on here?? Where’s she taking me??
She sees a changing table at the side of the wall, fully stocked with baby powder, baby wipes, disposable diapers, and diaper rash cream.
Dawn (scared, thinking): No!! No!!!
Dawn squirms and cries in Janice’s arms.
Infant Dawn: No!!
She tries to escape out of Janice’s arms, but Janice holds her grip on Dawn tightly.
Janice (cooing, calming): Yes...yes, Dawnie...(cooing) It’ll be okay. Janice is gonna get you alllll cleaned up...
She takes her around to the changing table and begins to lay her down onto it.
Janice: It’ll be fine, sweetheart. Auntie Janice has changed her baby sister hundreds of times. Don’t worry...I’ll be gentle, I promise.
Dawn squirms on the changing table.
Janice, with one eye on Dawn, kneels down and picks up a disposable diaper.
Dawn (whimpers, thinking): I gotta get outta here...
Dawn tries to escape from the horrible fate she’s going to suffer by lifting her little baby foot over the changing table.
Janice looks up at Dawn.
Janice (cooing): What’re you doin’, little one? Huh? You tryin’ to get away? Hmm?
Janice moves Dawn’s foot back over to the changing table.
Janice: Be a good girl, Dawnie-kins. Auntie Janice is just gonna get rid of that poopy diaper. Hold still, ‘k?
Dawn (thinking, annoyed): Fat chance. I’m not lettin’ you change me. No way, no how.
Dawn squirms and cries loudly.
Buffy rushes into her room to see Janice and Dawn, Janice almost at her wits end.
Buffy (worried): What’s going on? What happened? Janice, is Dawn okay?
Janice (sighs): She’s--she’s fine. She’s just bein’ a diaper changing terror, that’s all.
Buffy (sighs): Would you like some help?
Janice: Nah, I think I can handle it.
Buffy: You’re sure?
Janice (smiles softly): Yeah, thanks Buffy.
Buffy: Okay. Well, if she gives you any more trouble, a light smack on the leg stops her from squirming.
Janice: Thanks again, Buffy.
Buffy: No problem.
She leaves the room.
Janice (sternly, to Dawn): You hear that, Dawnie? You don’t behave and I smack you. You want that, huh?
Dawn (whimpers): No!
Janice: Then hold...still!
Dawn fusses and squirms.
Janice: Dawnie, if you be a good girl while Auntie Janice changes your diaper, I can make a deal with your Mommy to get you a treat. Would ya like that?
Dawn smiles a little.
Dawn: Tweat!
Janice (smiles): Thought you’d like that. Now will you be a good girl and hold still while Auntie Janice changes your diaper?
Dawn nods slowly.
As she untapes Dawn’s dirty diaper:
Janice (cooing): Attagirl...
She opens the diaper and, taking both of Dawn’s legs in her left hand, she lifts Dawn’s bottom off of the table and begins to dispose of the diaper, but not before using the clean part of the diaper to wipe away the excess poop.
As she continues to hold Dawn’s legs, she slides the diaper out from underneath Dawn.
She rolls it up and tapes it closed.
She turns her head to the wastebasket by Buffy’s bed and tosses it into it.
She lets go of Dawn’s legs just for a second, and Dawn flails her legs back and forth while still positioned on the changing table.
Janice: You’re so adorable, Dawnie.
Dawn fusses when the cold air hits her privates.
Janice (cooing): Shh...shh...it’s okay, sweetheart...I know you’re cold, but don’t worry. Auntie Janice’ll get you smelling all nice and clean.
Grabbing Dawn’s legs again, she opens up a box of baby wipes and takes a few from it.
Janice (giggles): I think Auntie Janice’ll need a few more than what she’s got in her hand to clean up this little mess...
Dawn (giggles): Poopy...
Janice (smiles): Yes, you are, sweetie. But don’t worry, we’re gonna get you all cleaned up. Don’t you worry...
She begins wiping Dawn’s bottom with baby wipes as Dawn giggles and squeals happily.
Janice (cooing): Somebody likes this, doesn’t she?
Dawn giggles happily.
Once Janice tosses the baby wipes in the garbage can, she takes more wipes from the box.
Janice (playful): Ooh, someone’s a big pooper...(giggles)
She throws the wipes into the wastebasket and then takes out a bottle of baby powder.
Dawn squeals happily.
Janice (cooing): That’s right, Dawnie...we’re gonna put this baby powder on your wittle bottom so you can smell all nice and clean.
Janice shakes the powder which lands on Dawn’s bottom.
Dawn giggles and sneezes.
Janice (giggles); Bless you, sweetheart.
She takes a new diaper from the changing table and opens it up.
Janice (impressed): Ooh...”Barney”...your mommy’s got some good taste to give you diapers like that, sweetheart.
Dawn (happily): Bawney!
Janice giggles.
Janice: That’s right, cutie.
She untapes the left diaper tab, and then the right diaper tab.
Janice: Now I’m gonna get you in a clean diaper, okay Dawnie? So I need you to be a really good girl for your Auntie Janice and hold still. Can you do that for me?
Dawn (fusses): Diapa. Cwean diapa. (whimpers)
Janice (smiles): I know, baby; it’ll only take a second. Shh...shh...
Janice takes Dawn’s legs in her hand again and, lifting her bottom up from the changing table, slips the clean diaper underneath her bottom.
She lets go of Dawn’s legs and, gripping the left and right side of the diaper with her respective hands, she raises it up to Dawn’s chest level and begins to go for the left diaper tape.
Dawn kicks her feet happily, causing Janice to lose her grip.
Janice (gently chiding): Sweetie, no! Auntie Janice needs you to hold real still so she can put you in your new diapie.
Dawn pouts.
Janice (frowns): Aww, honey...I know you like to be naked, but your mommy doesn’t want you pooping all over the house. (smiles) So can you just be a good girl and wear your diapie? Hmm?
Dawn (pouts): Diapie. Cwean diapie.
Janice (smiles happily): There’s my girl.
She brings the diaper up through Dawn’s legs and, holding her right hand on Dawn’s chest, she tapes the left diaper tab closed with her left hand, and then she switches hands, putting her left hand on Dawn’s chest and taping the right diaper tab closed with her right hand.
Dawn giggles happily on the table.
Janice (smiles): You’re such a little cutie-pie.
She unstraps her from the changing table and picks her up.
She holds her in her arms and takes her back out to the living room.
Buffy gets up from the couch.
Buffy (wondering): How was she?
Janice: She was a little fussy, but she’s better now.
Buffy: That’s good.
Janice: So, I was thinking...about that whole “nanny” thing....
Buffy: Yeah?
Janice (smiles): Ya still want me?
Buffy (grins): Yeah, we’d love to have you here, Janice!
Dawn giggles.
Janice: I guess Dawnie’s happy about it too.
There is a knock on the door.
Buffy: One sec, Janice; I’ll be right back.
She goes to the door and opens it.
Buffy (surprised): Oh my God...Cordelia?
Cordelia: Hi, Buffy...look, we gotta talk.
Buffy: About what?
Cordelia: Dawn.
Buffy: What about her?
Cordelia: Okay...y’know that whole spell thing...where the nerds made her into a baby?
Buffy: Yeah...?
Cordelia: ...and that if you destroyed the demon’s wand, the spell’s broken?
Buffy: Yeah...?
Cordelia: Well...here’s the thing, Buffy.
Buffy: What?
Cordelia (sighs, seriously): I got a message from the PTB. (off her look) Powers That Be. (exhales) Anyway, the gist of it is...y’know how the monks made your sister? Giving her childhood memories?
Buffy: Yeah...? What’re you getting at, Cordy?
Cordelia: Well, because of that spell, the monks and the PTB took the opportunity to make Dawn into her normal age...which is what you’re seeing now.
Buffy (in shock): Are...are you saying...?
Cordelia (sighs, solemnly): She’s gonna start over.
Buffy stands still for a second, while the shock of it actually sinks in.
Buffy (sad): Oh my God...
She hugs Cordelia, breaking down in tears.
Buffy (crying): Cordelia, I can’t do this! I can’t re-raise her!
There is a knock on the door.
Cordelia (calming): That’s okay, Buffy...that’s why I got you some help. Sort of...live-in babysitters.
Buffy sniffles and, letting go of Cordelia, goes to the door and opens it.
Willow/Tara: Hey, Buffy.
Buffy smiles happily.
Buffy (relieved): Hey, guys.
to be continued...