"Spike's not doing too good, is he, Mom?" Tommy asked his mother.
"He's more than eleven years old, which is almost 80 dog years," said DeeDee. "Or is it 80 years is 11 dog years? I never can remember that. But he's had a long life."
"Are you talking about me?" Grandpa interrupted from the living room.
"No, Lou, it was about Spike," Deedee replied.
"Is Spike going to die?" asked Dyl, Tommy's brother.
"Well, he's fine now. But kids, there will come a time when he is no longer with us. There are some things that you just can't prevent, you know."
"Now you ARE talking about me!" Grandpa shouted.
"No, Lou, they're worried about Spike."
"Eh? Why aren't they worried about their grandpa?"
"We're worried about you too," Tommy offered.
"Why? What's the matter with me?" he grumbled.
"Children, go on to school. This is one you can't win," said their mother. At the Pickles household, everyone was getting old. Grandpa and Spike were both elderly, and both cantankerous.
-----
Two men were arguing in the garage that night..
"Pop," said Stu, "It hasn't been fully tested. That's why Lenny brought it to me to work on."
"You? Everything you invent ends up not working!"
"That's not quite true. Some of my inventions were well conceived. The world's just not ready for them. Yet."
"Dadgum it, Stu, you finally have something that might be useful, and NOW you decide you want to wait. I want to try this before you start trying to fix it."
"Fine, Pop. You want to take wild chances? Just don't get mad at me if it doesn't work."
Unknown to Stu and his father, someone was watching from across the street.
"Now, I'm getting behind the protective shielding here," Stu's voice could be heard calling. "Hold still, Pop."
A strange green glow, kind of like what you see under an escalator's stairs, emanated from the garage window.
"Dagnab it Stu! You about blinded me!"
"Pop, I told you to keep the goggles on."
"I wanted to keep an eye on you. Blamed machine!"
If anything, Lou Pickles felt even older.
------
But the next morning, Lou was full of energy.
"What's with Grandpa?" asked Dyl.
"Maybe he had some good prune juice," ventured Tommy. "We'd better leave for school."
"No, whippersnappers, it's not prune juice. I've been working out! I feel better than ever. Your father has finally done something right!"
"You? Working out?" asked Tommy, skeptically.
"Bah! Look at my muscle!" Grandpa said, flexing.
"If you say so. We'll see you later, Grandpa."
---------
They were gathered in the lunchroom. "I'm telling you," said Lil. "There was a green light coming from your garage last night, and your Dad and Grandpa were there, arguing."
"Grandpa said he was working out," said Tommy.
"This wasn't exercise. It was like a sunlamp."
"Then maybe he was getting a suntan," said Chuckie.
"Suntan lamps aren't bright green," Lil insisted.
"Whatever," said Tommy. "It did him some good."
=====
Grandpa greeted them as they came home from school. "Hello kids! How ya doing?"
"Gee, Gramps. You're never this cheerful," observed Dyl.
"I got a new lease on life," Grandpa bragged.
"From your workout? Or that machine in the garage?" asked Tommy.
"From the mach... huh? What machine? Who told you about that light?"
"You just did," said Tommy. "Someone saw you and Dad using that last night."
"I tell you, it's my health tonic!"
"You said you were working out," said Dyl. "You look only a little older than Dad does."
"Say," said Tommy. "Can we use that to help Spike?"
"Spike? Spike's an old dog," said Gramps.
"But look what it did for you. We could have Spike back the way he was," said Tommy.
"I tell you, it was a tonic! Now stay away from that garage!"
-----
"Tommy, I think we should stay away from this garage," Chuckie fretted.
"Relax. We're just going to help Spike a little bit. It's only a light. If it doesn't work, he's no worse off. But if it DOES work..." He looked at the tired old dog. "...then Spike will be a new man. Or a new dog." Tommy had found the right key for the padlock on the door, and it opened. "We'll have this done before Dad notices anything's missing."
The two friends were surprised at how much electronics were in the garage. "Wowww!! Look at all this stuff!" Tommy said.
"What stuff is that?" called a vocie from behind. It was Lil, and she was with Z, the green-haired kid in Chuckie's class.
"Are you crazy?!" Chuckie whispered loudly. "Close that door! Is Phil with you?"
"Nope," she replied. "I was talking to Z about the strange goings on around here..."
"And it sounded interesting," said Z.
"This dial is set at 10," said Chuckie.
"Ten what?" Z asked. "Ten pounds lighter? Ten years younger? Ten second timer?"
"Ten. That's all."
"Either way, it's perfect for Spike," said Tommy. At the sound of his name, Spike waddled over to his master, and Tommy helped him on to the dais. "Now," Tommy continued, "let me get over to the controls..."
"I get it," said Z. "That thing that looks like a ray gun puts out the light through the prism, which scatters it."
"Lil, how long did that light stay on?" asked Tommy.
"Five, maybe ten seconds."
"Then it must be a 10 second timer," said Chuckie.
"The power meter says it's all charged up," Lil added.
"Allright, buddies," Tommy shouted, pressing the activation switch. "Let's do this for Spike!"
The machine hummed, but nothing happened, except for Spike wandering over to them. "He heard me call his name! Get back there, Spike," Tommy called. To Chuckie, he added, "Don't touch anything until I get him back over there." Tommy tugged on Spike's collar, but the pet resisted. "You're hurting him!" said Chuckie, dashing out..
"I'm helping him!"
"Can't you guys pick up a dog?" Z said, running over.
"That dog weighs a ton," said Lil.
"Guys? We shouldn't be in this area," Chuckie said, nervously. At that moment, the four kids and the dog were blinded by an emerald green light.
"Who pushed that button?!" Lil demanded.
"Nobody did! We're all out here!" said Chuckie.
"Finster, you imbecile! There was a delay switch," said Z. The humming stopped, the glow faded, and they were rubbing their eyes. "Let's get out of here!" shouted Z. There was no argument, other than from their impatience about how long Spike took to leave the garage.
"It didn't work," Tommy said, sadly.
"You can try it again another time," said Chuckie, "without me." Everyone went their separate ways. Spike followed Tommy into the house. "You can sleep in here tonight," said Tommy, helping the old mutt on to the bed. It was about time to call it a night, and Tommy soon climbed into bed himself.
------
The next morning, Tommy woke to the sound of Spike barking. He opened one eye and turned toward the source of the noise. The bed seemed unpleasantly cold, and Tommy's first thought was that his elderly dog had become... what was the word? Incontinent. "Yuk!" whispered Tommy. At the sound of his master's voice, Spike jumped on the bed. Tommy screamed when he saw how BIG his pet dog had become, and to his surprise, Tommy started crying. This wasn't right. Grandpa hadn't been made bigger by the treatment. Did it work differently on dogs than people?
"Tommy? What's wrong?" asked DeeDee, coming into the room. "Why are you...EEEEKKKK!!!"
Tommy stopped crying momentarily when he heard her frightened shriek. "What's wong, Mommy?" he asked, and before he knew it, Tommy was being picked up out of the bed and rushed down the hall, with Deedee hollering for Stu. This wasn't right. Tommy couldn't remember the last time either of his parents had lifted him up.
"Stu! Something's happened to Tommy!"
"What happened, Mom," Tommy asked, but she shushed him, and called for Stu again.
"What's wrong, hon?" Stu asked, and then he gasped.
"What's going on, guys?" Tommy asked again. "Put me down."
"You're staying right by my side, young man," said Deedee. "Stuart, what is that thing in the garage?"
"It's...a...uh...experimental," Stu stammered.
"Why is your father suddenly more energetic?! And why is Tommy like this?!"
"I didn't think it would actually make a person younger!"
"Younger?!" asked Tommy. "What did it do to me?"
"Oh, sweetheart," Deedee began, hugging him, "That machine made you little. At least you can talk, but,"
Dyl came into the room. "Hey! Whose baby is that?"
"Baby?" Tommy asked. "Me? A baby?"
"That's cute," said Dyl. "He said 'me a baby'. Hey, Tommy. Come see this!" he said, calling down the hall.
"Dylan, you need to go on to school. Tommy is... uh, not himself this morning," said Deedee.
Dyl left, and the parents conferred again. "So what are we going to do?" Deedee asked Stu.
"I'll go buy some ... some stuff. If he needs some stuff. Do you think he..."
"Everything," she said.
"Tommy, can you understand me?" asked Stu.
"Sure, Dad," said Tommy.
"Was anybody else there with you in the garage?"
"Just Spike...."
"Thank heaven..."
"...and Chuckie. And Lil. And Z."
The phone rang, and Stu was in a panic. "Get it, Stu," said Deedee. "As for you, Tommy, you need to look in the mirror." Tommy was shocked by what he saw in his reflection. "I'm BALD!!" he shouted.
"That was Chaz Finster," said Stu. "Apparently, Chuckie woke up littler this morning too."
"This isn't good," said Deedee. "Stu, go shopping. We may have some old clothes around here."
------
"But Mom!" Tommy protested. "I think Spike wet the bed."
"No. A dog didn't do this. Trust me. I can tell the difference."
"Then it was an accident."
"Now honey, I know you don't like this, but when you were this age before, you had lots of 'accidents'."
"But Mom, these are 'Tighties'. Why do I have to wear diapers?"
"It was what your father could find at the Speedy Mart. I can't have you run around with no clothes, and you have to wear something until I can find something your size. Now hold still. I promise I won't look."
"Fine," fumed Tommy, lying down.
She was true to her word, looking away while she lifted him and slid the diaper beneath. "Now you can hold the front of it and pull it up to your tummy, and let me know when I can look." Tommy took hold of the plastic sheet and brought it toward him. "Okay."
"Very good. We'll fasten one side here... there you go... and now we fasten the other side... all done!"
Tommy tried to sit up, and his mother reached out and gave him some help. "I found this in the attic," she said, pulling out a blue T-shirt. In fact, I found several of these. It was all you ever wore. I can't remember you wearing anything else, for some reason." She pulled the shirt over his head and helped him with the arms, then stepped back to take it all in. "Oh my. It's just like a rerun."
"How about some pants?" asked Tommy.
"I couldn't find any up there. This is fine, for now."
"I don''t get it. I'm old enough to hold it in."
"I think it's for the best. I checked at Lipshitz dot com and there's a section in there about regressive behavior. Children sometimes go back to acting like babies when they're under stress, wetting the bed, things like that..."
"But I won't wet the bed. I haven't done that in years!"
"Lipshitz says that we make you feel 'secure until we can be sure' and that two steps back is three steps forward."
"What does THAT mean?"
"It means that I'm keeping you in diapers until you can go through the day without a problem. Then, you'll wear these only at night."
"But Mom...."
"No, that's final. If you need help, let Mommy know."
His mother swore by Lipshitz, and he had no choice but to go along with it, though he was determined that this would be only temporary.
Reluctantly, he toddled back to his room and turned on the TV. Reptar was on. He hadn't seen that show in years, and he became engrossed in it. At the first commercial, he decided he needed to use the bathroom. To his horror, he realized that he arleady had. "Maybe I can change clothes before Mom notices," he thought. Too late.
"Your diaper is sagging," she said. "Honey, did you wet yourself?" she asked, though she already knew.
"Uh," he stammered. "I don't know." Wrong answer.
Before he knew it, his Mom was leading him by his hand to his parents' room. He dug in his heels. "No!!!"
"Now Tommy, you can't stay in a wet diaper. Mommy will change you into some dry pants," she said, evenly, though he knew that there would be no "pants". After he tried a second time to pull away, she simply lifted him up, changed him and set him back down, all in a matter of seconds. "Now that wasn't so difficult, was it honey?" she asked.
He burst into tears. "All I wanted to do was keep Spike from being sick!" he protested.
"I know, baby. You meant well. Mommy will take good care of you until Daddy can fix the mess that Daddy got you into. Okay?"
But it wasn't okay. Tommy wiped his eyes. "Did you find some shorts, or some pants?"
"I didn't look. Frankly, since you don't notice it, and you won't tell me, I would rather be able to see when your diapers are sagging. I wouldn't want you to get a rash."
"But..." She shook her head "no" and walked away.
The doorbell rang, and it was Chaz Finster, carrying Chuckie on his hip. "We found his old glasses, and they work perfectly," Chaz bragged. Of course, Chaz had found Chuckie's old shirt and shorts, the ones with the planets on them. Tommy was glad to see his best friend, but the feeling wasn't mutual. "Tommy, this is the most stupidest thing you've ever done!" he complained. "I worked all those years to get to middle school, and now I'm too little for nursery school," he said, wiping his nose.
"At least we don't have to go to school," Tommy observed.
"What about Chuckie's braces?" Deedee asked Chazz.
"Oh, that's another thing. They fell right off, of course, so when you get this fixed, there's some bills..." he said, apologetically.
At that moment, Spike cam running through the house, and knocked down the two small kids. "Help!! Spike is as big as a great dane! We're doomed!!" Chuckie yelled in horror. Both children were picked up quickly by their parents.
"The doggie is really the same size," said Chaz. "You're just smaller."
"Can't you protect me from him?"
-----
"Why did you make such a big deal over the dog! Now look at us!" It was Tommy's turn to complain.
"We're safe in here, though," said Chuckie.
"But we're inside a playpen!" Tommy grumbled, running his hand across the bars. Almost immediately after Spike's wild run, Chaz had brought down and assembled the old playpen from the attic and had put the two kids inside. Everytime something bad happened, thought Tommy, he was taken another step closer to babyhood. He had knocked over a cup of milk, and until further notice, his Mom was giving him a bottle to drink from. "I'd rather you stayed in here, where I know where you are," she said. "I'll take care of anythng you need." She patted him on the head and left.
Tommy looked through the bars at Spike. Spike should be in here, he thought, not me. He was to blame for all of this. But a one year old dog had more rights than a one year old person. This reminded Tommy of the seemingly endless number of videos-- and now, DVDs-- that his family had taken when he was a baby. They had started again when he was about 11, but the new "episodes" of his life, all grown up, weren't as popular as the old ones from his rugrat days. Now, he and several of his friends had had their lives rewound, just like an old videotape.... there would be more episodes in his life, but Tommy feared that people liked him better as a rugrat than as someone all grown up. Where would this go next, he wondered.
"Chuckie was right. This is the worstest day ever!" he said.