There came a knocking at the door.
My brother, Melvin opened up the door and in walked a salesman,
carting a large crate into the main hall and setting it down in
the living room.
"Good Lord!" Grandpa John said, dropping his crossword puzzle.
"Allow me to introduce myself," the salesman said handing a card to
everyone in the room, and removing his red tophat. "I am Professor
Wiggles, salesman, entrepreneur, and genius at your service."
"My heavens!" Grandpa John exclaimed pointing. "What is in that
crate?"
"It is my fabulous machine," the Professor said patting the side
of the wooden crate. "It can do anything at all with life."
"Anything?" I asked.
"Anything, anything, anything can come true!" Professor Wiggles
boasted. "Dogs into cats, birds into elephants, anything at all
is possible with my fabulous machine! Providing, of course, a
life steps inside and accepts the changes."
"Anything?" I asked.
"Adults into children?" Melvin asked.
"Certainly, my dear boy," the Professor said with glee. "The
fabulous machine can do that and more!"
"Boys into girls?" I asked, getting excited at the notion.
"Why, yes," Wiggles said scratching his chin. "I do believe it
does that as well. Boys into girls, men into women, adults into
children. It does it all!"
"Show me," Grandpa John said standing up from his rocking chair. "Show
me! Make me into a young man again."
"Ah, ah, ah!" Wiggles said, wagging his finger. "Not so fast, my
good man. Not so fast. First there is a matter of price."
"Price?" Grandpa asked with his face all twisted up like a lemon.
Grandpa hated talking about money.
"Aw, did'ja have ta mention price?" Grandpa said throwing his arms up
in the air and sitting down in his rocker.
"One million dollars," the professor said holding out a contract. "That
is, unless you have a counter offer."
"How 'bout I knock yer block off and sell yer eyes as raisins?" Grandpa
said crankily. "You've got a nerve, ya know. Gettin' my hopes up all
like . . . You know I oughta kick your puny ass?"
"Grandpa!" Melvin exclaimed.
"Quite alright," Wiggles said. "Then let me offer you each one free
transformation. Be anything you like. Then will you pay my asking price?"
"Turn me inta a young man again and I'll even kiss yer boots," Grandpa
boasted. "Ya can't do it! Yer a phony! Blah!"
"And you two?" the Professor asked my brother and I.
"A cat," Melvin said then changed his mind. "No, a parrot so I can talk!"
"And you?" Wiggles asked looking at me.
Having just turned twenty-one, and being overly curious about the opposite
sex, I stuck with my original question.
"You can turn boys into girls?" I asked again.
Wiggles pet me on the shoulder.
"For you, I'll turn you into whatever your heart desires," the Professor
said.
"A girl then," I said. "Make me a girl."
"Yer crazy!" Grandpa called out to me. "Yer bloomin' nuts! Why yer gonna
turn inta a girl fer?" Then he turned to the Professor. "Ya still can't
do it. Ya phony!"
"Please step inside the booth," Wiggles said gesturing for Grandpa to
enter. "I'll show you, but you must agree to pay me the million dollars
after I've changed you all."
Grandpa stepped inside and the Professor closed the door.
I heard my grandfather yell out in a muffled voice,"It won't work!...
won't work I say!"
"How young shall I make him?" Wiggles asked.
"I don't know," I said shrugging.
"Five," Morton said, then grinned. "No, better make that three. I want
to see HIM have to reach for the cookie jar this time, like he always
used to make me do."
Morton turned and grinned at me.
"Now we can have run of the house, Andy," Morton said crossing his arms
with hope. "If it works, that is."
"He still has to pay the million dollars," the Professor reminded us.
"Well, I don't know," I said shrugging. "Make him five then. Give him
some age where he can still sign a check."
The Professor typed in something on the side control panel.
"We'll go with five," Wiggles said with satisfaction. "If he won't
sign the check, I'll see about making him three, okay?"
"Sounds cool to me," Morton grinned.
The machine hummed for a bit, then I heard more muffled cries coming
from within.
"Sacra-lilliac!" Grandpa screamed in terror. "Let me outa this contraption!"
The Professor counted,"Sixty-three......fifty-one......thirty-seven....."
I heard pounding coming from inside the box.
"Mister," Morton said worried. "I think our grandpa is in trouble. You
better let him out."
"Nonsense," Wiggles said, and resumed counting. "Twenty....fourteen...."
Morton got worried and cried,"Mister-"
"Shush!" the Professor said. "You're making me loose count.....nine....
eight....seven...six.....and we stop at five. Here we go, open the magic
door, and viola!"
A little kid ran out, stumbling along with unease at his new balance.
"His clothes and shoes shrank with him!" Morton exclaimed pointing and
laughing wildly at the crazy sight.
"Lemme 'lone!" little Grandpa said running to hide behind the sofa.
"He's just a kid!" Morton exclaimed in wonder. "I can't believe it.
Professor.....it worked!"
"Yes, yes, yes," the professor said impatiently and shoved Morton into
the box. "Next please. This is all very well, but we must get to all
your individual requests. In we go.....There...That's it."
"Hey!" Morton said pounding on the door as it closed.
"A parrot I believe," Wiggles said and turned to me for confirmation.
"Yeah, he wanted a parrot," I agreed and looked at my little Grandpa
scamper out from behind the couch and head past us and into the kitchen.
"Tar-nation!" Grandpa cried in a childs voice. "Darn it all. Gimmie a
cookie! Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie!"
"Be right back," I said excusing myself.
Sure enough, Grandpa was hopping up and down trying to reach the cookie
jar.
"Gimmie one!" he cried.
I handed him a cookie and he ran over and climbed up on a chair at the
kitchen table.
"Milk!" he demanded. "Gimmie!"
I walked over to the fridge and took out a carton and poured him some
in a small, plastic glass. Then I replaced the carton back in the fridge
and headed out into the living room.
A parrot flew past me.
"Aaaaaaawk!" the parrot cried. "Cracker! Cracker!"
Continued in Part 2